Overconfidence is slow and insidious killer

It’s important to occasionally be a horny pervert on main so your mutuals know it’s okay to be a horny pervert with you

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

The criminal has been apprehended

Grond! Grond! Grond! Grond!

GROND! GROND! GROND! GROND!

GROND‼️ GROND‼️ GROND‼️ GROND‼️

kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc

The train tracks we walked along, my uncle's porch, the shore of the river where we dug up crystals, an abandoned amusement park, the viaduct where we road our bikes too fast, a dusty old occult shop downtown, the classroom where we first met, an old show we watched together, the spot in the now abandoned mall where we once got our ears pierced, a song we transcribed the lyrics of off of a tape, the living room of your aunt's house, the playground during summer, the candy shop where we spent our allowance, the old theater where we watched the same movie after school so many times they stopped charging us admission, the small cold space under your bed, my grandpa's old car, the last page of a book you recommended, a video game we played all night, the place I was sitting when I heard you had died, a house that exists no longer.

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

letting you age regress but I’m determined to be your irresponsible alcoholic mother and I just let you make me a mediocre martini

*taking a drag off a cigarette* this is why your father left us all alone, you know

3. you can also pretend you’re a deep sea predator pretending to be aquatic plant life drifting in the currents to attract prey

Kids today need to learn how to pull the evil taffy.

4. Brush away the spiderwebs in the vast and mysterious crypt you're exploring

@hellsite-hall-of-fame @worldheritagepostorganization

is this the ORIGINAL?!???

oh holy shit i didn’t even know where this meme came from

OH MY ACTUAL GOD THE ORIGINAL

ORIGINALS ON THE ROLL

Me when I insist I don’t need to write it down

just ADHD Things

this is the fifth fucking geode ive crakced open whys its all meat

my liege those are crab rangoons