Overconfidence is slow and insidious killer

letting you age regress but I’m determined to be your irresponsible alcoholic mother and I just let you make me a mediocre martini

*taking a drag off a cigarette* this is why your father left us all alone, you know

3. you can also pretend you’re a deep sea predator pretending to be aquatic plant life drifting in the currents to attract prey

Kids today need to learn how to pull the evil taffy.

4. Brush away the spiderwebs in the vast and mysterious crypt you're exploring

@hellsite-hall-of-fame @worldheritagepostorganization

is this the ORIGINAL?!???

oh holy shit i didn’t even know where this meme came from

OH MY ACTUAL GOD THE ORIGINAL

ORIGINALS ON THE ROLL

Me when I insist I don’t need to write it down

just ADHD Things

this is the fifth fucking geode ive crakced open whys its all meat

my liege those are crab rangoons

Marylanders don’t say hi hello how are you my name is they just try to kill you with their car. which is of course a great honor in their culture

👽😡HEY ALIEN FUCK OFF😡👽 🖕🖕FUCK YOU ALIEN 🖕🖕 🤬🤬🍆SUCK MY DICK🍆🤬🤬 🖕🤬🖕FUCK OFF🖕🤬🖕FUCK OFF🖕🤬🖕 ❌👽🚨ANTI ALIEN ALARM 🚨👽❌ 👽🚫NO ALIEN🚫👽🚫NO MARCIANITO🚫👽 🤬🖕FUCK OFF🖕🤬🖕FUCK YOU🖕🤬🖕FUCK OFFFFFF🖕🤬 🚫🌎GET OUT OF HERE🌎🚫 ❌👽❌ANTI MARCIANITO❌👽❌ 😡😡NO😡NO😡NO😡😡 🖕🖕FUCK YOU🖕🖕 😡😡😡NO😡😡😡 🌎➡️➡️➡️LEAVE🌎➡️➡️➡️LEAVE ME ALONE🌎➡️➡️➡️ 😤😤😤BWAAAAAAAAAH😤😤😤 🌎➡️GET OUT OF HERE🌎➡️GET OUT OF HERE🌎➡️ 🛡️🛡️🛡️🛡️PROTECTIVE SHIELD 🛡️🛡️🛡️🛡️PROTECTIVE SHIELD 🛡️ 🛡️🛡️🛡️PROTECTIVE SHIELD 🛡️🛡️🛡️🛡️ 🚫🧛‍♂️🚫NO DRACULAS🚫🧛‍♂️🚫🧻🚫NO MUMMY🚫🧻🚫👽🚫NO ALIEN 🚫👽🚫🧌🚫NO DUENDE🚫🧌🚫 🚨🚨🚨ACTIVATE ALARM🚨🚨🚨CANNOT APPROACH🚨🚨🚨YOU WILL DIE🚨🚨🚨 😡😤😤😫😫AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH😡😤😤😫😫😡AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH😫😫😤😤😡

people act like this college shit is hard but i used AI to generate me a medical license and have bee ndoing surgery on newborns for 6 months

I once sent a woman a text message so interesting that she took three whole days to read it