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no no listen to me. listen to me. the sports is exactly the point. like, if this were a sport where you need to cut weight like MMA or something, sure, there's some calorie restriction going on. but hockey??
the main problem these guys are going to have is that eating enough calories to maintain their muscle mass is both time-consuming and exhausting. there's a reason nhl teams are constantly giving these guys food - it's a full time job to keep them fed.
the average relatively active person needs, we know, about 2000 calories a day. hockey players can burn over 1200 calories in a 90 minute game. and it's actually super complicated for them to consume enough calories that they won't actually pass out on the ice without also having to use the bathroom during a game!! that's why fat stores are so important for hockey players - that and because during a playoffs run it's actually impossible to balance calories-in-calories out and they WILL be losing weight for the duration of the playoff run, so they need weight they can lose without eating their own muscles.
within 30 minutes after a game, a 200lb/90kg pro hockey player should consume 90-120g of carbs and 20-30g of protein or else they will not be able to maintain their performance. for reference, that's a little less than half of what a reasonably active non-athlete of the same weight should be eating in an entire day.
if we want shane to be dysfunctionally controlling about his food, here's what it would realistically look like: weighing his food and stressing about not getting enough grams of protein. forcing himself to eat cold leftover chicken and he doesn't have the patience to heat it up or season it because he's not even hungry and he's so fucking tired but he hasn't hit his macros for today. religiously monitoring his calorie output because he accidentally ran an extra mile this morning and now he has to eat 200 extra calories and he already had a plan to hit 3600 today but now he has to hit 3800 and he needs to calculate mineral and vitamin content into the difference to make sure he has enough fucking zinc to recover from getting hit during a game and NO hayden i can't go out dancing with you tonight are you INSANE do you know how many calories you can burn in one hour of vigorous dancing??
here's a reasonable relationship conflict over shane's eating habits: he's melting down over how many calories they burn during sex and how he's gonna explain that to his nutritionist
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some of you werenât around for the fan fiction dot net purge of 2002 (when they banned explicit content and mass-deleted thousands of fics) and the livejournal purge of 2007 (when they deleted hundreds of blogs, disproportionately targeting queer & kink content) and it shows
Don't know if it qualifies as a full AU since they're still doctors but it's Omegaverse, but I can't not rec The Auction by @khrogerswrites!
Oh and I forgot, this is still a WIP (and possibly abandoned), it's more of a canon divergence AU, but it's so gorgeous I re-read it periodically, except for breath, except for everything by @sawdustandstardust, aka the Langdon gets a prison sentence AU.
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hiiii if you're still taking prompts! public/private
They were doing this in Montreal because they wanted to be noticed. If they met for lunch in Boston there's definitely a chance someone might recognise them, take a picture, post it somewhere - Ilya is locally very famous, is beloved, (is leaving), and the two of them together double their odds - but Montreal is a 100% guarantee to Boston's 75%, and Ilya knows Shane prefers that number. If he's going to freak himself out like this, he wants to be sure of the outcome, control what can be controlled. Ilya understands. It's not just for Shane's sake that he agrees.
And this, after all, is Shane's design. He wants to be seen together once before the Foundation announcement so that the press conference's emphasis is on the charity, not the relationship, as if that's going to be possible. "You want to make a Rozanov-Hollander vaccine?" Ilya had laughed, the first time Shane brought it up. "Here's a little bit, next time you get it, won't be so bad?"
Shane had punched him in the arm for that, which was fitting. But Ilya already had the virus and it was incurable, like a lot of things about him. Love. It was so disgusting.
Here they are, then. Shane's already there. He had wanted to arrive first, and Ilya had wanted him to be as chill as possible. Ilya kind of gets it now, because as he enters this very inoffensive midrange Saint-Henri bistro it's apparent every single one of these polite Canadians is looking at him, even though they aren't looking at him. It's very strange, like the room is full of a new kind of oxygen that his lungs can't tolerate. Ilya's heart rate kicks up, coke jittery. What the fuck. He's meeting Shane for lunch. Outside. In the world. Together. On purpose. The hostess is looking at him like he's the three-headed hound of hell, but she's also smiling and asking if he has a reservation.
"I," says Ilya, wondering if Shane's mouth is this dry, wondering if he'll ever piss normally again, always a thrill to discover new genres of his own fear, "yes, I think he's--"
Shane is off in a quiet corner with his back to them, but Ilya's had eyes on him while pretending not to have eyes on him since he pushed open the door several years, or possibly seconds ago. So in a way Ilya has a lot in common with everyone else in this restaurant.
The hostess takes pity on him, even though she probably thinks he's about to smother Shane with a chloroform-soaked rag and haul him out the back. Oh, Canada. "Right this way," she says, grabbing another menu. He follows her to the table.
"Mr. Hollander," she says, with the same reverence his mother effected for fairytales about Vladimir the Great. Then, for Koschei, "Your guest."
Shane rises from his chair, and he is the saviour-king. Ilya's never seen anyone so brave in his life. Shane holds out his hand. "Rozanov," he says, voice steady. "Thanks for coming."
Ilya wants to get down on one knee. Pledge fealty? Propose? Suck dick? All three?
He shakes Shane's hand, same as he's done a million times before. Not like this. Fuck, Shane's not going to like that sweaty palm. Goodbye, sportsmanship. "Thank you for inviting me."
They both sit. The hostess leaves. Her Dutiful Discretion comes off her in waves.
Ilya looks at Shane, who's got his face trained into its most diplomatic shape. Only Ilya would know that nostril flare is the suppression of a smile. His own face, he hopes, has been wrangled into second-language-plausible-deniability territory. Trust the mask. For an instant - only a millisecond - he finds himself considering setting the mask on fire, hating it with a screaming malice. But no. Mask is utilitarian. He has no feelings about it.
"So," says Shane.
"So," says Ilya, watching the way the light from the bay window behind him interacts with the restaurant's copious greenery to give Shane shadowy dapples, big freckles over little ones. He leans back. "How do you want to help me, Hollander?"
This startles a laugh out of Shane.
"Help you? You're not here so I can help you," says Shane. "Not that anything could," he adds, the barest suggestion of a gleam in his eye.
Ilya wants to grin. Ilya wants to eat him alive.
"Oh, that can't be true," he drawls, picking up the menu. He taps his fingers against the back of it. One by one. Strokes the leather softly.
Shane goes red faster than bloodied gauze. He stares at Ilya's hands, then up at Ilya's face, suddenly furious. Ilya gets the message. Reel. It. In. Ilya clears his throat.
"This is a business meeting, then," says Ilya, just loud enough. That had been part of the script. He's seen at least two people attempt surreptitious pictures.
"Yes," says Shane. "I wanted to take your temperature on--"
The waiter comes by. His eyes are practically bulging out of his skull. Ilya knows, of course, that Montreal is a hockey town. The hockey town. But it's very surreal to see this play out, and he sort of wishes he could be a fly on the wall when Shane goes out on his own. What kind of treatment he gets when Ilya isn't there. How hard they would fumble and stutter and fawn if the devil incarnate wasn't sitting across from their Messiah. He touches his cross, but he isn't too sorry to blaspheme.
"Can I start you off with something to drink," the waiter asks breathlessly.
"Just water is good for me, thank you," says Shane, not beating the Christ-like allegations.
"Stella, if you have, please," says Ilya.
"You bet," says the waiter, whose mouth twitches. Ilya's pretty sure this man thought he was about to ask for a bucket of vodka. "Back in just a moment."
"Actually," says Shane, bright, inspired. "You know what? That sounds good. I'll do a beer as well." The waiter murmurs assent and leaves.
Ilya looks at Shane. It's too fucking hard. He's not sure he can get through this next hour of ultra-normal normalcy. He laughs, and then Shane lets out a little laugh.
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gulf winds  | 31K | "I do not," Shane said, which was a lie. "And you should reflect on why you like to make your boyfriend upset so often." "My boyfriend likes to be upset," Ilya said. He was leaning fully over into Shane's space now, his elbow on the center console bearing so much of his weight as he swayed, almost accidentally closer. He was giddy, childish, how had he forgotten how good it felt to be with Shane, just to be next to him and talk â "Is there a rest stop coming up?" Natalya asked from the backseat, and Ilya didn't flinch, exactly, but it was a near thing. He'd almost forgotten she was there.| The best 'Ilya gets stuck with his niece' fic I've read so far. Everyone is messy and complicated and ends up hurting each other. Ilya's niece feels like a real teenager. And of course getting saddled with a teenager completely derails Shane and Ilya's Ottawa plan. Realistic consequences make for great conflict and storytelling. Lovely structure (non-linear narration with different intertwined storylines).
get gone | 11K | Shane tries to grab at the right words. "She's not - it's not that simple. Shane Hollander is me but it's also like - it's a thing people use to sell something. It's like a cardboard cutout of me."|Â Â Great story that deals well with Shane's anger, his complicated relationship with his public persona and, last but not least, how and when he and Ilya fight. Also does a good job of showing the less nice side of Yuna Hollander, momager. This author has a superb handle on Shane's characterisation, imo.Â
Itâs Kind of a Funny Story by @flawlessassholes | 31K | Nobody knows if Ilya Rozanov tried to kill himself before the draft. Nobody sane goes first overall. And nobody knows if Shane Hollander is going to survive another mediocre season with the Boston Raiders. Isnât it funny how a single nick in the ice can change the entire game?| My note for this fic simply says "mental health AU" which probably is very indicative of the gibbering mess I was when I was done reading. Take this as a warning, ok? In this AU both Ilya and Shane have mental health issues, everything is handled very well, as far as I can tell, but I also must say this story hit too close to home for me, so I can't be very objective about it. I also gathered this is inspired by a book, but I've never read it and was able to enjoy this without any prior knowledge, FYI.Â
System Collapse by @darlingofdots | 7.6K | Shane Hollander has severe food allergies. Fortunately, his teammates don't know that. Unfortunately, his teammates don't know that.| There seems to be a niche (but not too niche) fanon that Shane has severe food allergies and I think this lends itself very well to exploring certain sides of Shane (when it doesn't delve into misery!porn) and when I saw @darlingofdots had written a story about it, I knew it was going to be excellent. Fantastic Hayden and Jackie as supportive friends. Love the story structure too and the way therapy is portrayed here. I really hope the author will write more because there's a few threads that could be explored more.Â
lotophage by @citrusses | 9.8K | During a game against the Boston Raiders, the Metrosâ star center Shane Hollander sustains a concussion. Six months later, he still has no memory of his life before the injury.| This fandom has a thing for amnesia fic, I've read so many stories (most of them excellent) so I honestly didn't think anyone could possibly write one that would put a new spin on the trope, you know? Ha. I was a fool. @citrusses gives us a devastating amnesiac Shane. Superb writing. One of those stories that went straight to my Kindle for future re-reading.Â
Just a Formality by @catherineland| 12K | AUÂ where Shane and Ilya do not get caught by David in 2017. And for an entire year Shane hasn't been able to come out to his parents. Ilya gets a concussion, and Yuna gets a call.| A lovely Yuna POV.Â
a pox on all your houses by @the-apocrypha| 20K | Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?" "I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.| The one where Ilya gives Shane chlamydia and it's actually a good thing for their relationship. So funny. Perfect character voices.Â
Your Flight Has Been Delayed | 25K | Ilya Rozanov is many thingsâa pain in Shane Hollanderâs ass, hockeyâs biggest playboy, a better chirper in his second language than most people are in their first, the only player who can challenge Shane for the title of âbest of his generation.â But when Shane and Ilya get stuck next to each other on a long-delayed flight to the MLH Awards, Shane realizes something else about him: Ilya Rozanov is hot.|Â Cute AU with a different first meet. Fun, good character voices. . I've just realised a second chapter has been added since I read this! Exciting. I'll read it soon, but right now I'll just say the first chapter worked perfectly well as a standalone for me.Â
Farewell Mother Russia | 16K | After a decade of careful hiding, thatâs that. Everyone is saying his biggest secret out loud. Ilya Rozanov sucks cock. Ilya Rozanov fucks men. Ilya Rozanov isnât straight. It doesnât feel quite as life crushing as he imagined it would. A calmness settles into his body. It reminds him of those minutes right after you break a bone, when the damage is already done and you know thereâs nothing you can do but sit with it. It hasnât even been four years since Russia passed the excessively named Law for the Purpose of Protecting Children from Information Advocating a Denial of Traditional Family Values. He canât think about that now.| Canon divergence AU in which Ilya is outed. Lovely Ilya POV and exploration of his feelings for his family and country.Â
Exhibit A by @coffeedrgn87| 6.4K | Ilya Rozanov has photographic evidence that could destroy Shane Hollander's reputation. At least, that's what the internet thinks. Briefly.|Â Sweet and funny. Good characterisation.
Unusual Expenses | 3K | Once Shane's parents know about his relationship with Ilya, they begin treating him accordingly. Ilya is prepared for this. Until he's not. Or, sometimes love comes in the form of unexpected lectures on the rules regarding taxation of capital gains by foreign nationals residing in Canada. And then Shane picks up the pieces.|
Doing The Work by @bomberqueen17| 3.4K | AN: i know enough about hockey to know there's no way a teenaged rookie from a foreign country would have been left to get his own apartment in his first season. no way, he was in somebody's house. so this is whose house he was in, and what he did there.| Technically this is an AU, but not quite, everything that happens in this fic could have happened in canon, just off-screen/off-page. It's a fantastic vignette about Ilya's rookie year and the vet family who put him up that season. Love OCs when they're done well like here.Â
Do you think about me? Do you think about us? by @queengoose| 3.3K | Shane knows that the opinion of one eighth grade girl from the Boston suburbs is not the thing that will make or break his career. It would matter exactly the same if she was from Montreal, or Texas, or the moon. Which is to say, not at all. Sheâs not even a hockey fan. Her opinion and her comment are nothing. It doesnât feel like itâs nothing, though.|Â Peak 2014, Shane and Ilya do the ice-bucket challenge. So much fun and perfectly in character for that time in the situationship and the internet era, so to speak. The author had such a stroke of genius.
Unnecessary Roughness by @bluegrasshole| 16K | The problem with Happily Ever After is, well, the After.|Â Â Future fic. Ilya and Shane are retired, they have a three-year-old and work full-time on the Irina Foundation (which they have expanded). If I had to sun up the plot, it would be '"Shane has a very bad day". What this fic accomplishes in only 16K is amazing. This has immediately shot up to the top of the best post-retirement fic out there! This is so nuanced and full of details, the characterisation is obviously fantastic, but I just can't get over how much research and world-building had to go into this (world-building is probably the wrong word here but hopefully you can still understand what I mean). And it also tackled hockey culture and hazing so organically in the story.
"What I wanted out of Ilya was a slyness and a kind of- that Ilya is always trying kind of not to laugh, especially at Shane. What he doesn't want Shane to realize is how much he likes him and how charmed- how endlessly charmed he is by making Shane uncomfortable, that it actually lights him up inside, that he loves it. And [Connor] did that so well right away."
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