has anyone figured out how to be a real person yet
just me. and i'm NOT telling
what the fuck. come on
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@blue-sardine
has anyone figured out how to be a real person yet
just me. and i'm NOT telling
what the fuck. come on

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being extremely out of the loop especially regarding social media trends and discourse means you often end up learning things only after they've been turned into memes like ten times removed from the original context. for example the first time I ever read the term "girl dinner" it was on a gif of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park eating people so you can imagine the confusion when some time later I stumbled upon posts where people were hating on it and calling it gender essentialist
when pacific rim is brought up around me in a "the jaegars are so epic" way and i have to pretend to be Super Normal about raleigh having felt his brother die mid-drift and having to pull himself and their jaegar singlehandedly back to shore and losing all faith in the world and the existing system and mako losing her family to the kaiju and so she grows up training to be a jaegar pilot even though the man who protected and raised her doesn't want to lose her to the kaiju along with the countless others he sent to their deaths and raleigh and mako having that instant connection (and it's debatable whether they want to kiss crazy styles but there's no time to unpack bc they need to save humanity first) and nothing can break it not pentecost or the asshole australian pilot who won't give them a break or even the fucker aliens that live behind the breach and also the two eccentric (gay) scientists who constantly bicker and butt heads coming to an enthusiastic understanding that they have to drift together with a kaiju brain because if geiszler is gonna do it again who but gottlieb is crazy enough to do it with him and the overall act of drifting itself being so intimate and personal because This is the person that knows Everything about you and now you're gonna go out there and murder some kaijus but you're doing it together because you Need each other and and and
Talking to allo people who haven’t really interrogated how society has told them to view sex feels like that bit in SpongeBob where Patrick keeps failing to put his hand on the lid
Sex is just a thing. No it’s just an activity. It doesn’t have to be… no listen it’s just an activity. An activity. It’s just a thing. A thing. No it’s not the same for everyone it’s just an activity. No it’s a value neutral activity. An activity. An activity.
I’ve been experiencing this lately with people trying to argue with me about my views on sex work.
“You can’t compare sex work to other types of work because having sex you’re not enthusiastic about is really traumatizing”
I’m sure for a lot of people that’s true but for me sex and masturbation occupy a similar emotional space to brushing my teeth or doing the dishes and I certainly don’t feel traumatized about it and I know for a fact that I’m not the only person who feels this way.
Also I think that someone physically and violently forcing me to brush my teeth might end up being traumatizing.
Sex is so taboo and mythologized that people have forgotten the mechanics of it.
Yeah sex might be sacred and important to you. To me it’s a chore I’ve gotta do sometimes. Like cooking. I love cooking and put great importance on it and who I do it with. A lot of people just cook to live though.
Yeah if to you sex has a lot of emotions caught up in it I’m not gonna tell you that you’re wrong for feeling that way. That’s normal. It’s not a universal experience though. And if you can’t accept that, then too bad. Other people’s personal realities don’t exist to confirm your personal worldview.
What a beautiful picture you paint
[Image ID: Tumblr reply from sorryThatHappened reading: as an allo person why was my first thought "oh so sex is like playing wario land 3" /End ID]
my most ungrounded and unresearched fear is that so many companies are pushing AI in part because it builds them a pathway towards a subscription model for a huge number of things that should not be subscription, but theoretically could be:
do you want to talk to verizon's help desk because there's an error on your bill? to access a real agent, you have to pay for Verizon Access+, only 5.99 a month.
want to filter out all the fake job postings from the real ones? subscribe to Indeed: Advanced Tactics and only verified postings will appear on your dash.
sick of the infinite ai slop? buy Google Premium; it'll automatically detect ai within a site and gives it a credibility score. with premium plus, you can shuffle high-credibility results to the top.
do you want a "luxury" experience? well, you'd have to pay for that luxury, and since the company sure doesn't want to pay its employees; the cost would fall to the consumer.
when automation has made every experience unpleasant; the experience of genuine humanity will be commodified.
This is already happening – one of the softwares used by a museum I work at only lets you talk to a human help agent if you have their premium subscription. It's such bullshit
the fact you are not the only one in these notes saying "no this is already happening; i have to pay money to speak to a representative" is just... really awesome! you said a software used by museums is doing this shit? okay! great! wonderful!! anybody know where i can scream

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I'd fucking retire dude are you kidding me
I've got one of these. It's from the vtech V.smile educational games console. It's got a really nifty feature: it's ambidextrous!
you start beating them and mid match they beyblade their fucking controller to their dominant hand
Someone in my apartment complex is playing the bagpipes at bagpipes volume
Unless you’ve ever been in a room with a bagpipes player you have no idea how fucking loud bagpipes volume is.
I have in fact several times been in a room with a bagpipes player and can fully confirm that this is absolutely the volume at which bagpipes Are
Hi, sorry to bother you, but just to let you know that the truffle dog and cat story is AI. :(
The only source I could find was a Facebook post from an account full of AI cat stuff.
I figured you would want to know, hope you have a good day☆
Dammit.
Stupid AI.
what doesnt kill you is still valuable data points for a graph im working on titled "how to kill you"

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The Chinese shoe manufacturer decided to demonstrate the indestructibility of their shoes
And also the indestructibility of that woman's ankles
This is Peak Yuri media and I hope my beautiful feral daughters love each other forever
Full trailer for 'Pickmon', an open-world survival game that looks like 'Pokémon' and 'Palworld', except monster capturing is done with “cards”
Tell me that's not Link. Blue tunic and everything.
Oh hello Ceruledge
Wait
Roadhog!??
I love the implication that, as Larry is an "unpaid trainee", the dog is paid.
Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I’ve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, “Um,” from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We’re just… in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didn’t even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers don’t like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she’s not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are just… dumbfounded. She’s not even mad. I’m not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There’s a bit of laughter, but it’s mostly just… confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she’s not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
“What… did you do?”
“I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.”
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn’t scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, “I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.”
And that’s when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn’t take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don’t. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
that’s just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.

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So I love all of FMA’s “it’s clever when it’s not in English” naming. Riza “The Hawk’s Eye” Hawkeye. The Strong Arm Alchemist, Alexander Louis Armstrong. Ruler of the nation, King Bradley–first name King, last name Bradley.
And you know, that “King Bradley” name is a strong contender for most ridiculous in-your-face naming but that’s not actually the worst of Bradley’s name. What’s worse is that he’s “Fuhrer President King Bradley”, because he’s literally got three titles in his name that all mean “Ruler” literally three of them but even that is not the worst part about Fuhrer President King Bradley’s name.
You see the worst part about this name is that he goes by “Fuhrer”. You know, the German word for “Leader”, pronounced “fyur-ur”, same as “Furor”.
You know, Furor
Or,
you know,
in other words
Wrath.
Who invited Angry Angry King King King?
Himromu Arakawa writing FMA: I’m dropping hints.