Floatin' Along

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

i hope the anonymous person who sent the "i used to live in your house. i'm drunk in boston and it's the only address i know. happy holidays" postcard is aware that they wrote my favourite poem

i hate viruses so fucking much. literally getting attacked by a fucking shape. a concept. consumes no energy. responds to no stimuli. its only existence is to fuck with you. like fuck offf

They hate me for my redundancies. And also for my tendency to say the same thing but in slightly different ways. And for my repetition of phrases. And for my redundancies.

He did that.

remember when u were like 11 and the only thing u wanted was a lava lamp

haaattee that ✨ is associated with ai. that’s my emoji, not urs. you’re NOT whimsy.

love the library. there's no risk. you can take out a book and go "wow this sucks" and just give it back. and when you do that you're still making the library's Number Go Up so you'll be able to roll the dice on even more books. all for the low low price of free/you already paid for it with your tax money so you might as well use it

Why does like every language do things with their R sounds that nobody else understands

Why does every language do things with its R sounds that nobody else understands

?!

saw a pigeon scratching itself with its foot like a doggie at the bus stop today. delightful