buonasera

just got a job at PEMDAS as an Exponent

You could make a vent post about having no friends and it’ll blow up and people will start reblogging it just to say things in the tags like “#this would be me except I’m beloved in the community and every year all my awesome friends who would die for me come together and throw me a big surprise party because they adore me so deeply”

i dont care if Monday's lit. Tuesday Wednesday touch my clit. Thursday i don't give a shit. it's Friday I'm in love

"hogwash" still one of the best words ever. this shit is so unbelievable its pig water

if i were a shrimp id be so embarrassed because everyone can see my poop line

my ideal existence is not knowing about the oscars or the super bowl or any of that horseshit...I jerk off to clear running water and live off whatever wanders into my open mouth

you just doordashed yourself a knuckle sandwich pal

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue