it's been so long since i've fallen so far to actually reach for my hidden blades. so long since i've felt so horrible that my chest closed up and my eyes stung with tears that wouldn't fall because my body screams "don't do it". it's been so long since i've sat and drew red with a paintbrush that doesn't draw pretty pictures that people love but rather just draws in red and ugly lines that no one will ever look at and think, "oh, that's pretty". it's been so long since i've felt this way. i hate it. took one step forward, take ten steps back.

it's such a shitty feeling to feel worthless just by the body you have. i can't help but compare myself to others who are slimmer, prettier and funnier.

i was making food and suddenly realised how i'm a shitty person but shrugged it off because honestly, what's new.

it sucks being in an okay mood and making yourself some toast and all of a sudden thinking about how (besides a few people) any one who says that 'care' and 'love' you, haven't tried to check up on you when you suddenly fell off the face of the earth :)

i’m so forgettable and replaceable, i should just disappear already lmao

here’s a big fuck you to the person who made me waste the last three? four? years of my life on them. 

i’m the bad guy in every love story. the one with no emotions, the one who pushes everyone away, the one who treats everyone like shit. you said these things yet, you’re over here dating someone and so in love with someone who’s the exact same way. i’m not the fucked up one, you are. 

i really hate you sometimes but then other times i can’t help but miss you and love you, i’m really fucked up for feeling this way after everything.

i was watching a drama on youtube and the main guy was talking about how he’s missed his ex girlfriend for the whole time and how he was still in love with her and something snapped inside of me and now i’m just blank and numb again because i’m a piece of shit who’ve never felt the “i miss her all the time” feeling and i apologize to anyone i’ve ever dated; i’m a shitty girlfriend. 

be sure to make people earn your trust because if you just hand it out to just anyone, they now have the power to take it and crumble it to pieces. be wary of those you befriend, not everyone is innocent or have good intentions.

am i the only one who goes through these moods where i feel completely empty and numb? where i should feel something but there’s nothing? i’m just an empty void.

nothing feels worse than being upset or angry for no reason at all other than the fact that your body feels like being upset or angry.