blame it all on me

why did you do that. you shouldnt have done that. i wish you hadnt done that. people like me are not meant to be loved.

im sorry i cant love you back. but im even more sorry to myself for feeling guilty about it. its just. youre the first person to ever look at me twice. i feel bad and guilty for saying no but i dont feel anything. youre not the one. im sorry im sorry im sorry if i broke your heart.

you say you care and you probably believe it too. you don't. you don't. if you did this wouldn't happen over and fucking over again you wouldn't be taking me for granted and fucking me over time after time.

i do so fucking much for you. i do everything for you. and the effort you put in for me is only the leftover energy you have after putting everything else you do in front of me.

When u go to a therapist and they keep asking how they can help and u get frustrated because nothing works and nothing helps and then u realise u just want someone to give u permission to die and tell u everything will be okay

i’m scared that you’ll leave. i’m scared you’ll find someone else. i’m scared that you’ll begin to regret your promises. and honestly, i’m scared because i love you more than i ever thought i could

i hate being dependent on someone for my emotions