Your Local Condiment Expert

Oh poor thing, why are you crying? Is the knife scary to see? Should I bury it in your guts so you don’t have to look at it?

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

hang on i'm gonna cry a little thinking abt how g-d promised avraham that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky and now among millions of descendants there are thousands who literally carry his name, go up to the torah as b'nei avraham v'sarah. that's our mom and dad!

wanna cry a little more? think about how Avraham and Sarah both had trouble believing they could have a child at their advanced age, and then think about how many many centuries later they are still having children who carry their name.

the anniversary of library paste man’s death is in four days.

One hundred and ten years ago to the day. Amazing. Incredible.

RIP😔🙏📚🍯

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it

I HATTTE ACCIDENTALLY SAYING SOMETHING ONLY THE KILLER WOULD KNOW

Capoiera 🙃

schrödinger's mitch mcconnell??

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

He's still not fucking dead???

Happy Jeremy Bearimy Month!!

Today is the every day you can never reblog this.