I Like How You Handle That Pressure

i am NOT gaslighting you. i am lying to you. gaslighting implies a level of effort that i am simply not putting in. deceiving you does not require much

ok i'll bite. *just starts fucking biting you*

remember when you were 10 and you would hang out with your friends in order to Look At The Computer together like you went to their house and experienced the information superhighway together. and then leave

How fucking old are you people?

normal amount

They weren't happy noises.

They were polite and reasonable noises! The sound of protocol being followed! Negotiation and compromise!

The box would scream

what do they put in large rocks that make u just want to. stand on it.

i see a medium sized rock and i’m like “god. i need to go stand on this and be 14 inches higher off the ground right now”

just found out i've been abandoned by god which means he's not watching anything i do anymore. you should come over.

halloween is coming if you want to scare me i am afraid of bank transfers

she’s now 150!!

"kill them with kindness" WRONG. FISH🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

Official Fish Post

I have never met a creature as stupid as a customer in a store

"Do it scared" "do it alone" what am I a survival horror protagonist gtfo

Hmmmmm. I. Fucked up.

life is hard, do you want to share a pastry?

sometimes in knitting you just have to go 'nobody but me will notice this mistake' and keep going

I highly recommend doing the same thing in life.

this is the funniest fucking graffiti I’ve ever seen