it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

it is actually so important to me to be alone at my house

if you call women “females” i automatically do not trust or like you

you really wont like the military then buddy

jokes on you, i already hate the military

Torture the haters to death

Live well, be happy, and thank them in your acceptance speech.

Goofy ass. Hurt people with weapons until they die.

You have a right to defend your life if you so desire.

Torture strangers for no reason

I like characters who are women and they suck and are bad people. Bonus points if she never really faces consequences.

actually i’ve done a lot of work on myself since we last spoke and i wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself and that i hope you die

Yes, your dentist can absolutely tell if you masturbated at home before your appointment. And in fact, a shower and change of clothes does little to hide this. The best step forward is to apologize to your dentist for masturbating.

- mockup of results from my new search engine called "Google OCD"

i wish cleaning the dishes was more fun. specially the bottles

ACCIDENTALLY LEFT MY MACERATED APPLE SYRUP ON THE STOVE AND IT CARAMELIZED I GUESS?

it was super thick and dark and golden and bubbly so i took it off the heat. happy accident.

if i do something wrong they kill me