um. i think that will make an even awkwarder silence
oh no you dont
🥚
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@bieevee
um. i think that will make an even awkwarder silence
oh no you dont
🥚

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Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob
Dump your boyfriend and master the art of sudoku instead

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RIP to the legend
This goose fucking rocks and had a crazy life!
I really just have to summarize Thomas's entire life:
He was in a committed relationship with a male swan named Henry for 18-24 years before a female swan named Henrietta showed up and mated with Henry.
Thomas was initially jealous of the pair and attacked them, breaking 2 of the 5 eggs Henrietta had laid. However, once the remaining eggs hatched, Thomas warmed up to them and helped raise them.
Henry couldn't fly because of an injured wing, so Thomas taught the cygnets how to fly.
When they needed to reduce the goose population in the pond where Thomas and the swans lived, they dyed Thomas's feathers red so he wouldn't be separated from Henry.
Henry, Henrietta, and Thomas remained in their happy throuple for years and raised 68 cygnets before Henry died in 2009. After Henry's death, Henrietta found another swan and flew away, leaving Thomas alone.
Thomas finally met and mated with a female goose in 2011 and had his own babies. However, another goose named George stole them and raised them himself.
As Thomas grew elderly and blind, he was relocated to a wildlife center where he raised orphaned cygnets.
His caretaker at the center described him as "pretty high maintenance."
Thomas died in 2018 at the age of around 40. He had a funeral that included a small coffin and a procession that was led by a bagpiper. He was buried under the stone where Henry was buried, the two finally reunited in death.
Before and after his death, Thomas has been celebrated as an icon of the LGBTQ+ community for obvious reasons.
idk anything about this but I love it
your adventuring buddy is like "here I got a fairy in this cage in case we need healing" and you're like "WOAH what are you doing you cant be pissing off fairies" and they go no look and the fairy is in the cage blushing and giggling and going noooo im so tiny and helplessssss
proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

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fat dog with nasty smile
tragedy enjoyers when a character upholds the system that they themselves were a victim of
man y’all remember when the avengers movie came out and everyone headcanoned that all the avengers would live together in the tower and had all these cute posts about various fun ways they could interact and then the movies literally never had any of them even be friends
I want to state, for the record, that “all the avengers would live together in the tower” wasn’t collective headcanon, it was canon. The very last scene of Avengers (2012), the one they left us on, is Tony redesigning the tower, designing a living area for each Avenger. That was, canonically, what was supposed to happen, in canon, and they just changed their minds and decided to… not. For whatever goldarn reason.
GHHFDGJHFDS THATS EVEN FUNNIER WHY IS MARVEL LIKE THIS
german emotions

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Indian restaurant near us delivers their mango lassi in a plastic tub with no straw instead of a cup so every time we order it I end up licking it clean like I'm eating pussy to save my loved ones from imminent execution like my tongue is IN it. Partner is always like "You can use a spoon" but it's not as thorough and I paid good money for this lassi I'm not letting a drop free
not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny
governor of the colony: hey I’m gonna go back to england to get more supplies
115 colonists: okay
governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit
governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone
governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post
croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin
everyone: what could have happened to the colonists of roanoke
hi! op here. I’m fucking hyperventilating