hello, i'm fifty?

I’m a normal adult woman with interests appropriate for my age bracket. That said, Tom Holland should fire his agents and hire me. Tom Holland thinks his audience is primarily men and makes movies for mostly their viewing pleasure; Tom Holland is wrong and Tom Holland shouldn’t. Tom Holland, do you think MEN account for the 175 MILLION YouTube views of you performing “Umbrella” in drag? I assure you they do not. Tom Holland is married to one of the most beautiful and popular women in the world FOR A REASON. Tom Holland thinks he is Mark Wahlberg but Tom Holland is Hugh Grant. Tom Holland should be in Jane Austen adaptations. Tom Holland should be in romantic comedies. Tom Holland should be speaking with his natural British accent at all times. If Timothee Chalamet had even an ounce of Tom Holland’s effortless likability, he’d have won four Oscars already. Tom Holland is for women!

Tell me how I'm supposed to focus on "important things" when sumer is icumen in lhude sing cuccu groweþ sed and bloweþ med and springþ þe wde nu sing cuccu sing cuccu

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

wednesday night….the thinking man’s friday

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

i really hate the way the "boobs vs butt" thing got broken down into this implicit idea that butt is the nobler stance. it's really stupid. personally im a woman guy. [realizes how that sounds] [purses my lips in thought] [nods confidently] im a woman guy

you will struggle to say the unsayable thing for five years straight. and then it will suddenly become easy on a Wednesday morning