what a segue

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/editorials/la-ed-immigrants-border-asylum-ice-201802305-story.html?outputType=amp

https://www.aclu.org/blog/immigrants-rights/ice-and-border-patrol-abuses/ice-separates-18-month-old-mother-months

We created this Tumblr because of our server on discord! It’s for trans women and transfeminine people who need help with traditionally feminine things, or really anyone that wants help with those topics! It’s also open to people who want to help, we’ve actually gotten a number of trans men who want to use their AFAB knowledge to help! Anyone that can benefit or help is totally welcome! Here is the link!

you don’t have to find the perfect just right word for your experience, you don’t have to parse out what named gender you’re closest to on a spectrum, what subset of nonbinary most closely reflects your truth, weigh your masculinity against your femininity against your androgyny to see what the total comes out to, you don’t have to label your gender by its relation or opposition to the gender you were assigned

all those things are great for exploring your gender & if you can find a home in them more power to you

but when people say it about Albert Cashier, who donned Union uniform, bound his chest, and lived as a man even after the Civil War, when he was reclusive and lived in a tiny village, after there would have been no incentive for him to do so, I question their motives.

I also question their motives when they list Alan L Hart, who legally changed his name and was one of the first trans men to pursue a hysterectomy, referring to himself as “a fellow.”

But seriously, in some situations … it’s an Occam’s Razor type thing or “looks like a duck, quacks like a duck… probably is a duck”

To me, a big distinguishing factor (as someone above me discussed), is if they lived as men even when they did not have to in order to fulfill their career wishes. Otherwise I think there’s more room for questioning or for refusing to label them either way. But by Occam’s Razor, I feel that it’s safe to assume that someone who chose to “transition” in some form and live their entire life as a man … was, in fact, a man. 

At the very least, I think we can assume that they would want us to refer to them as men.

I feel like a cis woman would be like “haha you thought I couldn’t be a <doctor/soldier/whatever> because I was a woman? well you were wrong!” rather than taking steps to continue living as a man and to avoid having their birth anatomy known by others right up until their death.

Warning for some potentially dysphoria-inducing type stuff below regarding a likely trans man being “outed” after his death

James Barry (warning for some likely misgendering and so on, although at a glance I think the article avoids pronouns entirely) apparently requested that no autopsy be done on him and that he be buried in the clothes and bedsheets he died in. 

Unfortunately, he died of dysentery and, well, I imagine that it’s hard to feel okay about leaving someone like that without cleaning them and changing their clothes. I think that someone who was initially well-meaning was like “nope, I really can’t leave him like this" but unfortunately she then very not-well-meaningly leaked information about his body to the press.

I honestly feel kinda bad that I even know about Barry being (likely) a trans man, based on that. After I heard that part* I was like - nah, I am referring to him as a man unambiguously. I highly doubt that someone who asks to be buried in their dysentery-ridden clothes and bedsheets to avoid others seeing their anatomy is someone who would like to be thought of as a woman.

____

Shopping list:

(Essentials in bold if you’re money-tight, but I would seriously consider everything on this list. Obviously don’t buy what you already have)

Button Up Shirts or/and Zip Up Hoodies (easier to put on & take off due to being unable to lift arms up)

 Comfy sweatpants (easier to pull them down/up & take them off and they’re comfy^^)

Slippers or flipflops (easier to slip on and take off, which saves bending over)

Hats or Beanies (to cover that gross hair in the first week without a shower)

No perfume, no colour, sensitive skin soap. (To wash with for the next few months after surgery. ‘Simple’ is a good brand. Otherwise avoid using shower gel for 6 weeks)

Arnica Tablets (taken to help with the bruising a week before & after surgery)

Bio Oil & scar treatments (Can be applied once scars are dry and healing)

Vitamin C (Boosts immune-system and thus recovery)

Ginger tea (NOT GINGER TABLETS) (Help to stop any feeling of sickness)

Baby wipes / Wet Ones (To help keep your body clean until you can shower)

Laxatives (If you have trouble taking a shit - especially if you take Codeine)

First Aid Kit (just encase! You will be given some spare gauze and stuff though)

Paper Tape (For the dressings post op. Though you’ll get a roll after your post op appointment to put over your incisions)

Dry Shampoo (Helpin’ that hair look slightly less gross!)

Neck rest / travel pillow (Comfort when traveling back from hospital and travel in general)

Straws (makes drinking much easier & requires less arm movement)

Extra Pillows (Place these under your knees and under your head/back to elevate you while you sleep on your back! It helps)

The Food Doctor (Healthy ready meal alternatives, can be found on Amazon)

Green Tea and detox teas

Plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables

Plenty of water

Healthy home made frozen meals ready to microwave (Makes cooking quick and easy but still healthy)

Healthy snacks to munch on (like nut mixes, dried fruit, yogurt bars etc… rather than junk food. Your body is healing, help it along.)

____

House Preparation:

Move everything in the house to being in reach

Make sure you have a primary carer for the first week, especially the first three days because it will be hell on your own.

Find a couple of films and series you wanna watch in the first week

Pick out a couple of books to read

Tidy and clean your house/room a day or two before surgery (Makes everything simple and easy to move around in, also a more positive and clean environment to be in while recovering)

Change sheets and wash any clothes you wanna wear etc before

Prep your bed so you can sleep sitting up slightly, lots of pillows help!

____

Physical and Emotional preparation:

Eat healthily in the months leading up to surgery - Plenty of fresh fruit and veg - BALANCED diet at least two good meals a day - Plenty of water - Cut out processed foods, high sugars and salts - I recommend looking into ordering recipe boxes if you’re tight on cash/struggle to make healthy meals yourself every day. - Smoothies are a great time for 5 a day - Snack on dried fruits, nuts, yogurt biscuits instead of junk.

Stop smoking asap. Seriously, stop. Doesn’t matter how long until your surgery, the sooner you quit the better all round - surgery is a great motivation to quit smoking. Vape pens are a good alternative, be strict with yourself. Try to stop vaping in the month before your op or go down to 0mg of nicotine if you still need the feel of vaping/smoking. Do not vape or smoke for 2 weeks before your op. You’ll lose ur nips.

Stop drinking alcohol at least one month before, in my opinion giving yourself as much time away from it is much better to help detox your body and get healthy (alcohol is generally shit for you so cutting down or stopping is pretty good anyway, and surgery is a perfect excuse!)

Exercise. Pushups and flies will help to develop your pectoral muscle, bring down the breast size and help the surgeon place your incisions. Crunches, sittups, squats, and various exercises will help to keep the rest of your body fit and speed up your recovery (you’re gonna be recovering and potatoing for a while, get your body in a better state so it heals well and quickly). Cardio, jogging on the spot, starjumps and knees-up, gets your blood flowing, helps to get you nice and healthy for the op and recovery. Look up exercise routines on youtube!

Do a lot of internal reflecting and focus on your mind as well as your body. You need to psychologically prepare for surgery and that doesn’t happen over night. It’s also very difficult to do this, I really struggled to. It’s perfectly normal to feel scared, nervous, or feel like it’s a big deal, it’s a huge deal. You’re losing something that’s been there for a long time, you’re going through major surgery, and you’re finally getting something you’ve been awaiting for a long time!

Try not to have an ideal vision of what your chest will be like, don’t expect anything, try not to compare it to other chests, especially cis male chests. The first time you see it, it’ll look pretty rough, take it in slowly, learn to re-accept it as your own. It can take time to learn to love yourself all over again, but welcome your new chest with an open mind.

____

Tips and General Advice:

Make sure you have all your questions and concerns written down before your pre op appointment to take with you - if you have any more later or forgot to ask something, call the hospital or your surgeon’s office to ask them. Otherwise ask on the day of your op if it can wait that long.

Write down all the tips and advice they give you even if you don’t think you’ll forget them.

If you can, take a cheque in for both payments to the surgeon and the hospital on the day of your pre op appointment. This will give you plenty of time if there’s a problem with the payment and is also much easier than stressing out a few days before. Otherwise make sure you pay a week before online, so if there’s a problem you’ll have time to fix it.

Don’t underestimate or overestimate how big this surgery is, how much time you’ll need or how many thing’s you realistically need to buy/prepare. Obviously it would be better to overestimate as it’ll leave you more prepared, but there’s some things you just won’t need/need to do. Think carefully about yourself, your situation and how you deal with pain and how you like to be comfortable. If you forget anything you can always get it later on! So here’s some tips for that:

- Write a detailed list and slowly check through it cutting down on things if you think you’ll need to. See what you can use in the house and what you’ll need to buy. Be minimalist if you’re trying to save money.

- Make sure you have plenty of time booked of work/school/uni, if you go back early it’s much less of a problem than being back late.

- Really take the time to research what you’re about to be put through, speak to others who’ve been in the same boat and realistically think about how you will actually be affected and how you will actually feel after surgery. This will help to stop you from having unrealistic expectations of your physical appearance and capabilities, your mentality after the op and to help stop yourself from become lazy.