project éalaigh - a journal.

I regularly say something along the lines of ‘I can’t watch films because I have no attention span’. Which is likely unhelpful as well as inaccurate, and something i should get out of the habit of saying.

In reality I of course have an attention span, I just have a very poor ability to direct it at tasks that need doing, and instead just have long periods of lethargic uselessness, followed by random bursts of SUPER ATTENTION on things that don’t need doing.

Had enough now. Nearly five weeks without work, four weeks of national lockdown, and I’ve finally plummeted. Am actually vaguely surprised it has taken this long, but this week I have done almost nothing every day, and today I have given up and fallen into the BIG SLUMP. 

Very much aware that I have much to be grateful for, and it could indeed be a lot worse. I am healthy, i didn’t get that NHS job and am therefore not on the frontlines, and i have no responsibility at the moment other than stay indoors, and take basic care of myself and the cats. 

However, the lack of routine and purpose is getting to me now. There’s almost no jobs going, and I got turned down for volunteering as my ID documents aren’t in order. Other than taking care of our new youth club social media and holding a video call session once a week, I’ve got nothing going on. 

Lack of stretching the intellectual muscles means my attention span has atrophied as quickly as my body! Wasting hours on video games and ocasionally hyperfocusing and washing up every item in the house at 3am is about as good as it gets. On top of that my allergies are wild, my skin is itchy and keeps me up and night, and I have toothache that I have no idea what to do with, as I dont have a dentist, and we are in a pandemic....

HOWEVER i have today finally looked at free online courses to occupy myself. Naturally I’ve found 4 that I want to do and am debating starting them all this week. Probably a bad idea.