Bitch that’s the tubby custard machine 😂 *image depicts a vast monstrous infernal engine using hundreds of spiderlike arms of black iron to shove the writhing bodies of naked, emaciated humans into its blazing maw*

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Getting dumped really puts children's cartoon villains into perspective. Like dude you're SO right, love and caring ARE disgusting and we SHOULD cast a spell to drain all human emotion into your amulet.

Friend breakups are how you get lines like "Your friends? You think your friends are coming to save you? Don't make me laugh."

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

The lion does not concern itself with the bank account balance when a little treat is calling

The lion will never financially recover from this

Dealing with burnout is sooooooooooooooo easy all you need to do is operate at 40% indefinitely and be kind of mad at yourself the whole time.

horses cant scratch themselves but humans cant go fast. we support this legandary partnership

agnostic horse: we just dont know where scratch posts come from

crossfaded on apple slices and peanut butter

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.