my lace is my chainmail

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

If your life is horrible and you need a new source of meaning and direction.... Do NOT find religion. Learn to identify plants.

just remembered that my middle school bullies were named Chase and Hunter. what was up with that. what was going on there.

my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

wuthering heights literature✨ quotes on here are so funny because the original sentence will be like "'ARGHHHHH CATHY IM GONNA TEAR MY FACE OFF I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU ARGUAJHDJAJS' cried Heathcliff, before slamming his face into a tree until it bled." and then the tumblr excerpt will be like "'𝒾 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽❤️' -emily bronte 1847" like. okay whatever you want i guess .