with the resurgence in popularity of calvin & hobbes, I’m so surprised no one has included this

JBB: An Artblog!
almost home
Claire Keane
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
$LAYYYTER

oozey mess

shark vs the universe

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
One Nice Bug Per Day
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
wallacepolsom

Product Placement
dirt enthusiast

⁂

Kaledo Art
sheepfilms

he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@bbs-jam
with the resurgence in popularity of calvin & hobbes, I’m so surprised no one has included this

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Get real.
tumblr glitched while loading this, so instead of "dude get real" being the punchline, it was like this cat put on glasses for the first time and their friend was just. a legit dog. and not like them at all.
This is killing me
Ah, yes, I see you’ve taken notice of the fine knight I keep dangling in a big gilded cage above my evil throne. Quite the pretty little ornament the would be savior makes, wouldn’t you agree~?
What? No, it IS a big cage. That’s- it’s the standard size for a knight’s cage I’m pretty sure. NO I’m not going to invest in 500 square feet of dungeon, it’s ONE knight! I’m pretty sure knights live in hovels in the wild anyways which is basically the same- Look, the cage is quite literally gilded. He loves the cage! He loves obediently preening in the cage! Yeah well, when you capture your own knight you can keep it in whatever size castle you want to, but this one’s mine. Especially since you’re so obviously jealous of me and my cute and awesome knight anyway.
He loves the cage!
The Muppets s01e01
Fozzy getting hit on by lots of twinks
Happy Pride Month
Ten years later, this bit still slaps. They made a great pun and realized they could be nice/inclusive with it too.
do you ever tell people you’ll be going to sleep but then you don’t and you have to not do anything noticable online for the sake of it seeming as if you didn’t lie to them
the last time i got sloppy with this @tinynaught Columbo’d me
this post is classic tumblr in a lot of ways but the one I appreciate the most is that the second post happened eleven years after the first one. one of these days I’m going to see a reply to a post by someone younger than the post itself and we’re all just going to have to deal with it

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Heck, if he wanted to do open-heart surgery on me, I’d probably let him.
I took my little brother (autistic, mostly non verbal) out and he was using his voice keyboard to tell me something, and this little boy (maybe 4 or 5?) heard him and asked me "Is he a robot??" I tried to explain to him that no, he isn't a robot, he just communicates differently, but my darling brother was in the background max volume "I am robot I am robot I am robot I am robot"
My little brother insisted if I was going to post about him, he wanted a cut of the "profits". When I explained to him that Tumblr isn't monetized, and is pretty pointless, he and my older brother pointed out that he'd still be bringing me "fame and notoriety" if the post got "big". So we agreed, if the post hit 10k notes, which seemed extremely farfetched and silly at the time, I'd take my little brother out for sushi (his favorite food) and let him eat as much as he wants.
I guess God wanted the little robot to enjoy some sushi 🍣 🥲
as a cis guy, when presented with the "99% you get a ton of money, 1% you turn into a girl" it honestly would be dumb to not hit that button until it breaks. like ok now i have 100 bajillion dollars and gender dysphoria. big deal. i have all the money in the world to turn me back into a guy. like with that kind of money i could have obama do me a phalloplasty. he wouldnt be able to do it as he isnt a surgeon but the point still stands
Okay but hear me out OP, what if the button does the genie wish thing and it flips your internal experience of gender but doesn't change any of your external sex characteristics? This isn't even a gotcha, I'm just actually curious
well in that case i still end up with the "shitload of money & gender dysphoria" combo but this time obama is doing a vaginoplasty instead
#all roads lead to obama bottom surgery (via epicsause-official)
"Then transition."
On earth most animals aim to be symmetrical and so have an even amount of limbs. Reading that Rocky had five left me puzzled, obviously he's an alien, but was there precedent in nature for such a phenomenon? What was the point of five rather than 4 or 6? ...Then, I looked at my own hands and felt silly. Still, that connection made me happy.

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plato's cave: the video game
They’re passive aggressively cleaning each others faces in the banana bed rn
peace and love on planet earth….
The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
yuh i was there, that's how it happened
i've always wondered what human speech would look like visually in the POV of eridians in the same way eridian speech is written as music notes in the book and my favorite version of it i've seen in fics is when words are written as phonetics in rocky's POV :-) oh and also that one post about rocky and grace figuring out random words they can say in the other's language

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i know we just met but i’ve been thinking about you my whole life
and out of the darkness - you you you you you
[Description: a looping bouncy animation of grace and Rocky from project hail mary. Grace throws himself onto rocky for a hug, smiling and nuzzling his face to the top of Rocky's xenonite covered carapace. Rocky brings a claw up to ruffle Grace's hair and grace throws himself even more on top of rocky, rocky wrapping his arms around grace. End description.]