i dont know how the fuck i will be able to move on from my current job when i looked at my HOD's face yesterday and the way he tried to conceal just how horrible he feels about the fact that he's losing another team member, all while conducting interview after interview and no one wants to join. i feel so so shitty because i DON'T want to leave, i'm literally only leaving because of the money. i love my department and my team, i have so much more to learn from here, no part of me wanted to leave them knowing how hard it is for us to find people. and my HOD doesn't deserve any of this. i never wanted to leave him, he's one of the best people i've ever met. i hated being the one to bring him this news. this may be one of the hardest, most painful decisions i've ever made in my life. i just wish i could make this easier for him, for my team. i wish i could find them a replacement for myself. i wish i didnt have to leave. i'm devastated and it's not getting easier.

what a shit fucking year