I'm Star Wars Trash

“There is also a message for Beauregard from Expositor Zeenoth. It is, ‘Please, for the love of Ioun. Stop.’”

Sometimes a family is a goo lady, a gay mummy, a brain in a metal body, an artistic system, and their manipulative douchenozzle of a “father” figure.

This might be my new favorite B99 joke of all time.

I thought this was funnier than I should have

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

I keep going back to watch this video it just captures my sense of humour perfectly

Demön

this post came into my house, took me by the ankles and swung me into every available surface

#2