pieces in a whole

eating large amounts of citrus fruits (mainly oranges) in order to induce vomiting or diarrhea in oneself

black and brown ballerinas being told that they were in the wrong place and that "the sports school nearby [was] that way"

no non white ballet instructors

not having a period until much later in puberty than what is normal

non white girls and girls who hit puberty earlier being called overweight for having any semblence of curves

one little girl (notably, not white) who spent multiple days not eating and instead only recieving nutrients from an IV bag

weight being a determining factor on if you were allowed to continue to study in the academy, my mother was kicked out for being "too fat" (in pictures of her you could see she was actually noticeably underweight)

The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.

GOD shane who finally does hook up with someone (couldn't find someone when ilya was around?? maybe they were intimidated because he's so hot?? mystery) and it's like. fine. the guy is. fine. he goes down on shane and shane goes down on him, and it's fine. shane at the end is a little "... that's it?" but it's not traumatic or anything. it's just. fine.

but ilya who has been on alert that shane was interested in fucking other people teasingly (...at least outwardly) asks if shane has had any luck, and shane doesn't want to say "yeah, but it was just okay. it feels so much better with you and i don't know why." because that feels Needy And Not Casual. so instead he pulls a "yeah, i did! it was really fun. he was hot."

#Re:tags I think this would be even funnier if the more Shane hooked up casually the more he realized that GREAT sex is a matter of chance#Thinking about an interview I read years ago about a guy who was heavily involved in the gay scene in Berlin and said#he has like 500 hookups a year and out of those maybe 10 in 100 are decent and 1 every 200 is truly GOOD good iirc#And so he has some mediocre experiences some uncomfortable experiences some just ok experiences...and then he has one REALLY good experienc#like on par with Ilya good maybe even better. And he's like THANK GOD nothing's wrong with me I'm NOT 🙅🏽‍♂️❌ 👎🏽in love#with my best friend!!! in the immediate aftermath and then the guy just like. Gently kicks him out As Is Standard Hookup Practice#and Shane on the walk home feels EXACTLY like he felt after all the other hookups. I.e. weirdly disappointed and dissatisfied. And#now has to confront the fact that “he's the best I've ever had” is in fact NOT the reason why he misses Ilya#whenever he's in bed with another man!! He just had maybe the best sex of his life and he's walking home grumpy and feeling vaguely empty#bc the guy didn't laugh like Ilya and he didn't smile like Ilya and he didn't make cringey jokes like Ilya#and Shane didn't know his way around his bathroom like at Ilya's house and the guy didn't know about the ticklish spot behind Shane's ear#like Ilya and oh fuck it's not the sex. It's fucking FEELINGS fuck!!!! He buries this next time Ilya fucks him it's EVEN BETTER bc Ilya#is JEALOUS so now it's BOTH that he knows he has feelings AND that he knows Ilya is a statistically one-in-a-million good lay#even disregarding emotional attachment. FUCK WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THIS!!! Rose in the background: Lock him down!! #heated rivalry#Vladi speaks#Like I want the fakeout emotional rollercoaster of hmm I've been having casual sex for quite some time now and NOTHING is as good as with#Ilya do I maybe...have to ask myself if there's a deeper reason it's always better with Ilya -> NEVERMIND BREAKDOWN CANCELLED HE'S JUST A#GENERATIONAL TALENT AT SUCKING DICK haha fuck I'm so relieved!!! No hard conversations in MY future 😎 -> oh.. oh fuck#-> ok so I DO have feelings but it's still kind of nice to know that while Ilya's a cut above the rest I can get same or better quality#dicking down if he doesn't like me back and never wants to sleep with me again if he ever finds out -> oh fuck Oh No oh fuck. Why did he#have to step it up EVEN FURTHER. FUCK that's my backup plan out the window!! What the fuck do I do now!!!

@shakespearerants

WAIT FUCK

oh man

part of this being that shane has had enough sex with other people atp that he's more comfortable going "no, wrong. no good for me. do it better." (because also?? frustrating that NO ONE!! is bringing their a game!!! fuck's sake!! everyone get better at sex with him specifically NOW!!) and this guy is good on his own but significantly is also COACHABLE. so shane is able to tell him what he likes and ends up running sex with ilya software on a different person and is just!! FINALLY!! someone getting a good grade in fucking!! at last!!

but then it's over and now?? different?? wait, no. guy even catches his breath leaning against him and even in the immediate aftermath shane is a lil "okay...stop touching me now" because while having sex!! he was doing Ilya Sex!! right speed, right holding shane's leg at the perfect angle to not hurt his hip but let him get deep! perfect! the kissing wasn't as good and he didn't have his mouth on shane's neck like he likes and didn't have nice soft hair to hold onto, but still! felt the same in the moment!

but now this is a body that is Not Ilya touching him, and shane does not like it. it's not AWFUL or anything, but it's not the body he's gotten used to touching for literal years now. and he doesn't know how shane likes being touched either. ilya always touches him slow and firm after when he's coming down, and this guy is touching him too light and also not sticking to a pattern until shane is finally just *holds hand in place* that's enough.

and guy is polite! tries to make smalltalk, but it's stilted in a way it wasn't with ilya even in their first real conversation together. so shane cleans up in the bathroom (and these are not Safe For Him products?? fuck, forgot about that, damn) and also now has to put on jeans and his shirt again because this isn't ilya's house where he can just help himself to ilya's sweats and then raid his fridge because everything here is safe (besides the "NOT FOR SHANES"-labelled nutella in its designated No Hollanders Cabinet because ilya thinks he's funny and eats it only in the weeks they def won't be seeing each other). and it's just not COMFORTABLE. and part of that is that this guy is a stranger and doesn't have years of knowing each other with him.

but also. this guy is a stranger and doesn't have years of knowing each other with him.

and shane doesn't really. want to know him.

and he's willing to linger a bit because ilya always snuggles with him a little and has since the start, but guy is just "ugh, that late already? god, i can't believe i have to be up so early tomorrow." in what's clearly a polite "okay, bye" signal. and like. that's fine. but also like. no snuggles?? even a little bit?? but the fucking felt like Ilya Fucking and now we're not doing the end part of that. what the fuck???

so then he hooks up with ilya again next time, and ilya just Knows. shane doesn't have to coach him at all. he just does it and reads what shane wants and gives it to him no problem and shane just gets to let go and feel good. and then after??? soft smooches. teasing joke about battleship. shared shower with products shane gets to use no problem and then pulling on ilya's clothes and getting to have dinner picked to be safe for him and then settling down on a couch he's been relaxing on for years with his head on ilya's shoulder and it all just feels SO good. it's so COMFORTABLE.