Magic Wishes

what do you mean my disability disables my abilities? what the fuck

#when you set out for revenge dig two graves#unless you’re hamlet#in which case you’re going to want to rent a backhoe (x) YOU’RE NOT LEAVING THAT IN THE TAGS BUDDY

my 12 year brother is talking to his friend on the phone and trying to arrange plans to go over to his house this afternoon and was saying that our dad could drop him off maybe and i just heard him say "well i could maybe come over earlier but my dad is busy sharpening his scythe"

muffled voice coming from the phone speakers: how long till the scythe is sharp

I will forever respect Animorphs for tricking kids who are just really into animals to read a book series by going “Hey you, you daydream about what it’s like to be a dolphin or a bird or a wolf? Have I got a book for you!” and then slowly radicalizing them with 50+ books of “There are no winners in war. Whatever ‘victory’ you perceive comes at the cost of sacrificing your own morals and killing the part of you that is human. In the end you will resort to murder, torture and war crimes and the knowledge of what you have done will haunt you for as long as you live.”

Insensitivity reader to make sure that your characters are ignorant assholes in the ways that make the most sense for the characterization you're trying to achieve

Just get the biggest douchebag in your writing group to tell you what he would have done.

ok no but we really need this service. I read a horror novel whose protagonist was a gay british aristocrat studying classics at oxford and going to Tibet in 1900. And the first roughly third of the book was assuring the audience he was from a woke christian denomination but didn't believe in god and thought that was silly and also his lower class manservant/ boyfriend/ childhood best friend was the top and so he never thought to try and order his BF around. So he's like, woke in a 21st century way. Not racist, not misogynistic, thinks that the classics are so droll for not being more about asia, isn't doing really unethical sex tourism in the east like a LOT of gay aristocrats did in the empire. 1900. it is 1900. He's woke in 1900. the book is about some freaky shit going down in Tibet in 1900 with a british aristo and he's woke. aaaahhhhh!!!!! It's like that post with Eric Cartman giving his fucking pronouns as he/they

Some computer related jobs will periodically send you emails posing as phishing scams and if you open it you automatically have to take a web safety training seminar and I just think they should do that for tumblr except with reading comprehension

#how DARE you say tumblr should send me phishing emails

YES. YES YES YES THANK YOU

you can kinda tell when a writer has spent a lot of time around kids bc they avoid most of the pitfalls that come with writing children. namely, not giving them a too cutesy or twee voice but making them sound more like extremely weird little adults. kids playing pretend will almost never cutely slot into some romantic scenario for the adults' benefit bc the adults are usually too busy cleaning up or wondering what the fuck is wrong with their child. kids also have surprisingly stringent hangups ranging from very petty grievances to downright chauvinist gender roles, more often than not the result of a tragic education but sometimes far surpassing what they were taught in intensity. what im saying is there's nothing inherently wrong with treating fictional kids as stock characters but it's always quite nice to see when they aren't

this is a loving reminder that you can use tumblr on your browser with an ad blocker for a better quality of life, I'm of the opinion you should never be forced to see anything ever

I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever

The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late

For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral

This is one of my husband’s favorite short stories. He quotes it from memory. I’m pretty sure he can recite the entire thing from memory.

This is a tremendously impactful short story and every time I see it, it serves as an excellent reboot button for my state of mind.