That Girl Who Tics

We are putting my cat down tomorrow morning. She is 19. I have had her since I was very young. This is tearing my heart apart. I really think I’m going to have a mental breakdown. 

This world is so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. It’s cold. I know this is going to sound extremely depressing, but I feel as if I don’t care if I live anymore. I would never kill myself, but if I died I think I would be okay with that. I’ve become a hermit. I haven’t seen any of my friends in eight months. I don’t miss them. I feel like a prisoner even in my own house. I don’t enjoy listening to music like I used to everyday. All of the things that used to excite me don’t interest me anymore. I don’t want to go to the water park/theme park, I don’t want to go to any sporting events, I don’t want to go out shopping. I’m not myself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. It used to scare me. I just don’t care anymore.

I feel guilty. I hate having to ask for help. I hate not being able to hold a job. I feel useless. I want to go out and live my life. I’m not living, I’m just existing.