A Scottish Fusspot

This was my parents’ mistake. My parents “didn’t think it was a problem” and chose not to get me diagnosed. They weren’t bad parents, but being a good parent to an allistic child is not the same as being a good one to an autistic child.

I have emotional abuse symptoms. I get anxious when I hear footsteps outside my door. My heart rate jumps when I hear garage doors open. My parents were never mean, my parents apologized if they ever snapped at me or said something out of line, my parents spelled out that they loved me constantly.

But my parents forced me to talk when I was nonverbal. My parents left me sitting at the kitchen table for hours in attempt to make me eat foods I couldn’t. My parents scolded me for leaving my own birthday parties to hide in my room because I was overwhelmed. My parents pulled me out of my hyperfocus when I was trying to do homework. My parents didn’t allow me to stim or doodle during things like church or school. My parents got irritated if I wore earplugs or headphones to drown out the noise of our constantly noisy household. My parents once took my bedroom door off its hinges for two days because I kept closing it when they told me not to.

When you’re a parent, and you’re trying your best and you’re doing everything out of all the parenting books, you need to understand that autistic children are not in the parenting books. They play by different rules. And things that might work for allistic children could be permanently damaging for autistics.

If you have a suspicion or a feeling, get your kid diagnosed. Research autism symptoms. Parent them accordingly.

-Nesta Archeron from the A Court of Thorns and Roses series 

-Lexa, The 100 

-Steris Harms and Vin Venture - Mistborn 

Better late than never, we have a new Walkinredinstead April Challenge!

This is for autistic people only!

I took the recommendations from last year  and did my best with them (though I did do this very quickly and went on memory)

For me to see them, you can submit them here, tag me @walkinreadinstead, or put it in the tags (#walkinredinstead)

No day is required, you can participate in as manny or as few days as you want!

Under the cut is a vague description of each of the days, though each is open to interpretation - this is just what was in my head about them.

Growing up autistic often means a life time of gas lighting.

For many of us, for as far back as we can remember, we have been told that what we percieve is wrong.

“That doesn’t hurt!”

“It’s not that loud”

We are forced into clothing that causes us pain with no way to convey this to those who think we’re just obstinate.

We are seen as moody or temperamental for “overreacting” or having “tantrums”

We are told that the sensory pain we experience isn’t happening.

We are told to stop “overreacting” to “small things” (or, worse, “nothing”).

We are pressured by adults to eat foods that make us gag.

As we get older, we are told that our perceptions of the social world are wrong.

“Are you sure that’s what they meant?”

“I didn’t yell. I just spoke sternly”

“Is that really what happened?”

We are told again and again that the ways we percieve interactions are flawed.

We are called liars for being honest because they don’t believe our truths.

Our explanations are “excuses”, our realities, untrustworthy.

When you spend your life being told that what you experience is not real, is it any wonder that so many of us end up with anxiety, depression, ©PTSD, psychosis, dissociation, and difficulty trusting ourselves?

We are gas-lit by society throughout most of our lives. Parents, teachers, classmates, friends, and so many others reinforce the message again and again that we cannot trust our own perceptions.

And, the worst part is how insidious this reality questioning is. It’s so many small comments that bombard us from nearly everyone around us.

So, to all the autists reading this, your experiences are real. The sensations you feel are real.

Trust yourselves and love yourselves

Live boldly

Live radically

What makes this even worse is that, according to Whitney Ellenby’s website, she runs an autism charity, was a disability rights attorney, and was “honored with an ‘Autism Awareness Proclamation’ and a ‘Community Leader’ award for her advocacy and dedication to the disability community of Maryland.”

The saddest thing is that this woman is nowhere near the only one like this. Shes just one who managed to get a publisher.  Far too many neurotypical parents, disability advocates, special ed teachers, you-name-it view the people they help as inconveniences or sad broken things that need to be repaired.  Too many “help” those in their care by trying to mold them into societally accepted ways of being, not because they care about autistic people, but because they are trying to save others and themselves from the burden and embarrassment they associate with autistic people’s existence.  Books like Whitney Ellenby’s and numerous other autism-mom-pity-party novels just serve as examples of this.  

Genderqueer Autistic and Kickass Amazing