Everyone knows it's the CEO's fault. Everyone knows how to fix it. But the CEO does nothing, digs his head in the sand, and pretends like shit is normal. And people are dying.

So you, young hotshot that you are, call an all hands meeting and get a specialist to explain what the problem is. It's easily solved, but it will cost money, and that money is going to have to come from the CEO.

The CEO throws a shitfit. He doesn't want to solve the problem. He doesn't want to admit under overwhelming evidence that it's his fault. But he agrees to do so under one condition--he's not paying to fix it--you are. He's taking your bonus and you can get fucked. As it turns out, the CEO thinks you fucking suck.

Not a single one of your colleagues protests on your behalf, probably because they know that if they speak up, he'll just take their bonuses, too.

So what do you do? Do you continue working for Mr. "idc if my employees die as long as I get mine?" Do you quit? Do you take the wealth you've accumulated working for this guy and go home? Do you stab the worst boss you've ever had in front of every other employee at the company?

Which means when Victor wakes up to the Creature standing by his bed like ☺️, and Victor freaks out and runs away, the Creature could have ostensibly wandered into the hallway after him, only to be met with a pack of incredibly drunk-after-an-all-night-1818-rager yet well-meaning frat boys.

Who were so blasted that they were just like, "Dude, what, do you play rugby? Holy shit, he's fuckin' huge, look at this fuckin' guy! Absolute unit!" And they all whooped and hollered and just ushered the Creature into their dorm to keep the party going.

And the Creature was just like, "?????" but very pleased to find other people vaguely shaped like him, so he lets them because he may be just minutes old but he knew early on all he really wanted was one (1) buddy and now there's, like, a herd of them and they're all having a blast.

When the guys inevitably pass out, sloshed beyond all sense, he just sits and waits for them to wake up and when they do, later that morning, he's poking at one of them to make sure the guy is still breathing, and the kid wakes up and yells for a second and squints at the 8 foot-tall (rugby???? player????) guy in their dorm and is like, "Shit, what is that?"

And another one squints at him and goes, "I don't fuckin' know, bro, but he can throw us so hard. Did you see how David just...fuckin'...flew out the window last night? Just hurled David like it was no big deal. That was awesome."

David groans and puts his head under his pillow because his headache is awful but he lets out a pained, muffled, "that was awesome" in agreement.

So in a rare case of wholesome frat boy camaraderie, this herd of college roommate boys, all of whom are dumb as rocks but well-meaning, just take the Creature in because, "There's this huge fucking monster guy and it's the coolest thing we've ever seen."

This would possibly mean the Creature is socialized to be a dumb-as-rocks frat boy, but because I cannot allow that to happen and because there is no universe in which he would not be into poetry, he somehow also gets socialized by liberal arts majors and is just as Sensitive™, it rubs off on his frat buddies, who start saying things like, "No, man, it's Sturm und Drang, it's, like, the fuckin' vast rolling of the soul that, like...fuckin' eschews Enlightenment rationalism."

But some of the boys' lingo inevitably rubs off on the Creature so when, months later, Victor comes back to get all of his things with Henry post-mental breakdown, he bumps into a crowd of rowdy guys playfully jostling each other, and that crowd includes an 8-foot tall dude in a letterman jacket holding a volume of Goethe in one hand and a tankard of beer in the other, and he scoffs down at Victor and goes, "Accursed Creator! Why didst thou abandon me in my hour of need? Fuckin' lame."

They would almost certainly like him better. Not because they're okay with an amalgam of human corpses brought to life by unholy means, but because having an undergrad try to tell you that they know your own subject of expertise better than you is fucking insufferable.

But somewhere along the line they just… Disappeared. My mom says they’re not being paid and they’re not in collections. It’s almost as if someone out there did…exactly what Parker did.

NO bald. NO nuance.

#guy who doesn’t think other people are real is good in bed???? No. @lansplaining with accurate anti-propaganda for Our Winner Xue Yang 

#this is a grave misunderstanding of the term 'body count' @hydrofelicity HELP. 

Lan Qiren: repressed turbovirgin who would probably faint if he saw a nipple and is still hung up on the girl who pulled his pigtails in ninth grade. 0/10 nothing is happening here

Sect Leader Yao: misogynist middle aged dad. he can fuck but it won't be good. 1/10

Wen Ruohan: he's got that cultivator stamina, definitely fucks, and is very hot in every version of canon, but he's a wannabe emperor, he's not going to be a considerate lover. 2/10

Xue Yang: as has been pointed out, he doesn't think other people are real and is unlikely to care about your pleasure, and he also thinks SSC is for pussies. but if choking a goth twink is your dream and you don't prioritize survival you might have a great night. 3/10?

Jin Zixuan: he'll probably cry and be excruciatingly awkward the whole time especially if you hit on his mommy issues. but he'll put the effort in and be a gentleman, unless he doesn't like you and is only doing this out of obligation, in which case it'll be miserable. 5/10

Mo Xuanyu: I have to admit he's also likely to be a virgin but he's definitely fantasized about everything and would be thrilled to try it out. 5.5/10

Su She: 10/10 if you're Jin Guangyao. 7/10 otherwise because he's keeping his shirt on and thinking about Jin Guangyao while you do it, but he's competitive enough he'd still want to make sure he did a good job.

Wen Zhuliu: yeah he probably fucks like a machine. 8/10

Would he approach said treatises with grim determination? Yeah probably. Would he develop a goddamn exercise regimen for his tongue and practice it religiously? Hell yes.

Shang Qinghua: Well for one, he's gay so I would have to give him a husband, and two, he was made for me so of course I would never give him away!

Shen Qingqiu: Wait, like canonically gay? PIDW has gay characters???

Shang Qinghua: Of course, there are several

Shen Qingqiu: Like who??

Shang Qinghua: Well there's Yue Qingyuan, Qi Qingqiu, Shen Qingqiu, Liu-

Shen Qingqiu: THE ORIGINAL GOODS WAS GAY?!

Shang Qinghua: Yep

Shen Qingqiu: So that's why I'm gay in this life...

Shang Qinghua: Uh, bro, that's not how sexuality works

Shen Qingqiu: I may have turned Luo Binghe gay, but yOU TURNED ME GAY!

gege, please, he needs kisses, it's life or death

I love the idea that he took all the things he hated about himself the most, and a sprinkling of things he was decent at, cranked it up to 11 as he percieves it in himself, and shoved it out there as the character in a stallion novel.

He'd get his much desired attention, he could write about a him that was still fucked up but at least had some comforts, and he'd get enough money to barely live off.

And then PeerlessCucumber comes along.

And he... Defends? Everything Xiang Fei hates about himself? He's ignoring red flags and obviously but obliviously... Interested in Luo Binghe?

Maybe that makes his heart flutter a little.

Maybe he riles up the commenter on purpose so he can squeeze a little bit of much needed validation out of this peerless hater.

Maybe that commenter was the only thing keeping him going at that point.

And when that happens, whether it's garbage takes about trans people, or ace people, or nonbinary people, or neopronouns, or he/him lesbians, or bi women with boyfriends, or furries, or *what the fuck ever*- remember-

You do not need to quibble over the details. You do not need verbally spar on every hill that dipshits want to die on.

Just stop and ask- hey, does this fucking matter?

Does it matter if some queer people do _____? Does it cause any actual, measurable, material harm? Is this *actually* a problem? Be specific. Beyond just 'it makes me uncomfortable' and 'but that doesn't make sense' - does it actually *matter*?

Because if the answer is no, then who the fuck cares?

I don't care if something is confusing, or illogical, or weird, or makes you uncomfortable. Does it actually harm anyone? No? Then mind your fucking business.

Its not your responsibility to Lincoln-Douglass debate every overzealous puritan and under-informed tween on the complex nuance and inherent political context of the queer experience. Focus on what matters . Ask them what, if any, harm does ____ actually do, and THAT is all you need to address. (Oh you wanna defend ___ spaces? Which spaces specifically? What are you worried about happening? Oh is ____ normalizing ____? Does it? Does that...matter?)

Because even if other people dont like it, Queer People will continue to be weird, messy, confusing, contradictory, illogical, and strange as we all do our fucking best to be ourselves as best we can be. The way we survive and grow and thrive is by giving each other the grace and space to do so, whether or not we deeply, logically resonate with whatever others have going on.

And we don't talk shit about each other. We don't take pot shots at the queers who are queerer than we are. Throwing other queer people under the bus has never made things better.

So. Circle the wagons, close the ranks, and get comfortable rubbing elbows with people who are, you know, freaks and weirdos.