im princess rose landry's evil advisor so watch out

this is a fandom + fanfic side blog. currently obsessed with heated rivalry but always got the pitt and captive prince on the backburner. my url is from a Chen Chen poem!

🌷 my ao3 (shane amnesia fic in progress!)

👽 my side side blog for posting + promoing my own art for heated rivalry is @miffymango, which is also me on redbubble!

☝️ my main is @goncharovpussy

the vision is called Hollander Homes.

rose landry: the highly contoured blonde wife in wide-brimmed hats and pathological amounts of beige, who of course drives the whole ship. she has Opinions on rustic cabinet hardware. she has a lot of gay friends in the interior design world. she has a lot of big smiles and giggles for the camera. she WILL be parlaying this into more reality tv show work and millions of insta followers and a lifestyle company, you just wait.

shane: her husband. and technically her co-partner. it’s obvious that they both genuinely like each other, so their “sweet” relationship has fans, who all consider shane the perfect husband. but it’s equally obvious that shane wants to die every time they sit down on the interview couch and he puts his arm around rose and stoically nods in his blue linen button-down and khakis while she explains her vision for the first kitchen backsplash, until it’s time for him to deliver a pre-written “bad pun” and/or lightly make fun of his wife for the camera.

and ilya? the strong and fiercely quiet hottie contractor. he appears on camera when clad in jeans and a wifebeater, always holding a drill, his bare muscular arms covered in dust and wet paint, to nod while rose explains her vision for the second kitchen backsplash.

viewers LOVE the russian bad boy who’s talking rose through what they just discovered re: the exposed ceiling beams. maybe he only comes on in s2 or 3, and that’s what makes the whole show suddenly click and take off, because suddenly Shane The Husband is so into the projects, too, and he wants to go to home depot with ilya and the camera crew too, and he’s learning how to use a studfinder so he can really do something on site, too, and it’s actually fun to watch! Ilya, this “side character,” is now a rising star, and this is becoming a trio show, and it’s actually even better this way.

of course rose/ilya shippers start to emerge in the facebook groups. they make a joke of this on the show. shane’s eyes are glassy when he says “Ilya would totally be the perfect husband for anyone. Just not my wife! ahaha.”

but maybe even some other fans — not on facebook, but ao3 — start putting it together, webweaving the evidence into the shape of a closet. a nine-season long closet. that just got renewed for three more seasons. but shane and rose’s marriage is kind of the basis for the show, and the selling point for its engraved wine glasses…

EVENTUALLY, after a heartbreaking explosion of notes app confessions on instagram and/or forced outings and/or 1 or 2 or all 3 of them going to inpatient psych treatment, and the show getting even bigger because of the drama, and a lost deal or two or ten…

Rose has her own show called The Landry Way (check that feminist use of her maiden name in the title), and Ilya has his own show called The Studfinder (🌈) (possibly him and the other queer guys on the centaurs doing “queer eye, but we have chainsaws”). and Shane is, on occasion, seen in the backgrounds of both rose and ilya’s instagram posts: smiling, well-fed, floating on the lake by the cottage. when he and Ilya get married, their photo carousel caption is just… “home ❤️”.