This does compute!

must feel so good to be soil absorbing rain

I am taking the bus in paris i hope im not gonna get attacked by the creatures!

ultimately we all have to quit our jobs and walk into the sea

I really hate to side with Gollum on this, but “what’s in my pocket” is not a riddle and should not have counted. 

guy working on an artwork they knew would push them technically: what the hell why do i keep doing this wrong. am i haunted by malevolent spirits and such

How do I explain Plato's allegory of the cave to my cat?

gato’s allegory of the fishtank

my ducks? in a row. the elephant? addressed. my goose? cooked. my eggs? in several baskets. the bigger fish? fried.

Your monkeys ?

those aren’t mine.

fool me once shame on you fool me twice you have been locked into my bad ending

god the horrible urge to vague post is eating me alive but i must

someone wronged me once

This is genuinely the funniest thing that could’ve happened considering how the actual scene plays out holy shit

Highly unlikely to be of use but I want a card I can carry in my wallet that says “If I Die First In A Traumatic Survival Scenario I Want You To Know I’m Okay With You Cannibalizing Me, It’s Fine, Don’t Be Weird And Guilty About it”. And then on the back there could be like. A list of recipes n shit

To be clear, I don’t WANT to be cannibalized. It’s not my personal preference. It’s just that if I beef it out in the open somewhere and some poor starving fuck has to have a crisis of ethics over using the protein or dying in a hole, I’d want to some way to let them know my dead ass is rooting for them

New Hot Take: I Think An Organ Donor Card Counts In A Pinch, Actually