kaguya

you. you get it.

“Game on, then.”

And then you get to the Silmarillion. And you encounter the Noldor.

Fëanor "spirit so strong his body cremated itself" and Maedhros "got amputated for reasons™ being suspended on one of the highest moutains and probably tortured by Evil Incarnate but got over it in a week". Fingolfin "calling Morgoth to a 1v1 seem like a reasonable solution" and Fingon "climbed Melkor's highest mountain right after having survived the most hostile, icy, treacherous cliffs in existence while singing, to rescue his estranged situationship". Finrod "teeth count as a plausible weapon against a werewolf" Felagund and Galadriel "just in it for the possible crown and this very pretty Sindar I just met".

And that's not even touching Elwë "will marry a goddess at the first opportunity" Singollo or Luthien "sang so well the notoriously inflexible keeper of souls & Judge of the Valar let her and her man have another chance at life". Or whatever Ëarendil was on.

He's a pretentious asshole. He's Shadia and Hero's "uncle Bolaire". He's a serial killer. He makes sure his favorite street performer always has spending money. He's a god-killing weapon. He's a huge fanboy of a popular actor. He's the curator of the most important exhibit in his world's history. He deals drugs to a random shithead noble.

Beautiful, transcendent homes with every luxury and comfort available, paired with sweet, loving words

And no escape, no life outside her purview, no choice without her supervision. Wicander will marry who she chooses for him. Sylandri must oversee who gets to have children.

I am once again, super unwell.