some people juggle geese

actually im doing really well except for the fact that everything makes me sad and the things that dont make me sad make me angry. but other than that im fine

—Good Omens fans thinking about the finale

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

oh this is my post

I must not explain the joke. Explaining the joke is the joke-killer. I will face my followers who did not get the joke. I will permit them to pass over me and through me

I ride dick like a bat out of hell but my fucked up knee and arthritic hips and ankles r popping and cracking so loud with every thrust it sounds like a fucking gunfight.

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

Fascinated by the perceived necessity of an Equivalent Exchange

“can mutuals dm you?” my mutuals can fire me from a cannon through a brick wall, looney tunes style. as long as we’re all having fun

“eldritch horror beyond your comprehension” and it’s just a generic monster with tentacles and eyes

girl I’m comprehending you pretty easily you’re gonna have to try harder than that

in my dnd setting the most eldritch of creatures is an ape that is impossibly wide. Whatever room you're in, this ape is wider than that. Imagine the widest room you can imagine. This ape is wider. It's other proportions remain the same. His name is Wide Ape.

everyone go home we got a winner

something vindictive but ultimately harmless I do at work is that if you’re at my register and you’re rude to me and you pay with cash I am finding the most disgusting desolate fucked up unspeakable coin I can to give to you. oh you were mean to me? you’re getting the yucky nickel bitch