Come along Pond

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

I dont know if this is your specialization or not but the deadline is approaching. I dont want you to do it for me obviously but how do I go about this? Im mad stressed and Im stuck. How do you write a good methodology? Is there a system everyone else knows but me?

Well, first of all, your professor is a shit teacher, so jot that down.

Second of all, I'm so sorry you're so stressed. Even through this ask I can FEEL your mental state trying to dissolve. But, I promise you can do this, Anon. You won't enjoy it; but, that's not the same thing. You can do it.

Third of all, there's no universal system; BUT, good news! There's an Elanor System. And I'm about to teach it to you. Take my hand. We've got this.

Step 1 - the Research Questions

Start here!

Your research questions should be formatted as literal questions, and this is what your study wants to answer. "How many fruit pastilles does it take to choke a kestrel?" "Do dragons breathe hotter fire in the day than the night?" "Are oak trees more effective than beeches at stabilising Welsh soils?"

(One, no, and yes)

Have at least one question, and an absolute maximum of three. Crucially, these questions need to be specific. For example:

"What's the link between coastal development and sand lizard conservation?" - too broad. How are we defining "conservation"? How can you measure it?

"Are sand lizard populations higher in undeveloped areas than developed areas?" - much better. Directly actionable (you just count them), easily defined (has the coastal site been built on or not)

For the sake of this tutorial, I shall use that last one.

Step 2 - Anticipate the Data

So, put simply, what data/results would answer this question?

I'm not talking the actual data yet, obviously - you need to carry out the research to get that! But, in broad terms, what sort of thing is needed for you to consider that question answered?

Take a look at our example - Are sand lizard populations higher in undeveloped areas than developed areas?

To answer this, I need:

Some developed (i.e. built up) sites

Some undeveloped (i.e. semi-natural) sites

A head count of the sand lizards in each

Then, sketch out for yourself what this data might look like in a table, graph, map, etc. Whatever format is needed to display the data. Here's our lizards:

The numbers are totally made up, of course. It's not about them. They aren't part of this experience. The TYPE of data, on the other hand, is; because this now leads perfectly into the next step:

Step 3 - the Protocol

This is no longer a broad, vague and terrifying spectre. This is now specific and targeted. Your protocol now is not about testing for "sand lizard conservation". It's about getting the actual numbers to plug into that graph above.

So, I now know I need to do a census of sand lizards in a selection of developed/undeveloped sites. This is the central plank of my methodology.

Firstly: how many sites? Maybe five of each type? How am I defining "developed" and "undeveloped"? What other variables might affect this, e.g. sand dune height/stability, visitation numbers, predator numbers, etc. A little bit of research will let me decide these points, and then I just need to select the sites locally. Do they have public access? Maybe logistics mean this comes down to three of each type.

Secondly, what are the best census techniques for sand lizards? Again, a bit of research will tell me this. Nothing wrong with finding a published paper that's already looked at this, and copying their methodology - it's peer-reviewed, and replicability is important in science.

Thirdly, consider the following:

Is your protocol written out clearly in an easy-to-follow way? Think of baking recipes. Could a third party replicate your work based on your description?

Variables. I've mentioned some already, but what else? An obvious answer here is weather - will that affect sand lizard numbers between sites? What about time of day/year?

Replicability: if you or anyone else wanted to do the same study in five years' time, or on a different selection of sites, etc, could they? They should be able to.

Practicality: are you physically capable of the tasks? Do you have the necessary equipment? Etc

But, fundamentally, your protocol should be able to get you the data you identified in step 2. If instead my plan here was just to count lizards on a single beach, that would be a fail - there's no site comparison. If instead I decided to survey the dune vegetation in both, that might well provide good habitat insights, but it's not getting me the abundance data I need to make that graph.

Step 4 - Timing

We have a protocol! So now: the logistics

Can your plans be done in the time you have available?

Maybe I only have three weeks to count my lizards. If so, depending on the weather, that may well be too little time for a full ten sites. Especially if each site requires more than one visit. If so, I need to amend my plans.

My recommendation for this step:

Work out how much time you have available

List the individual jobs needed (e.g. walk 100m transect 5 times)

Estimate how long each job will take, using whatever unit is appropriate (e.g. days)

Evaluate - is there enough time?

Gantt charts are great for this, and you can find free online Gantt chart makers. They also look good in the research proposal

******

And that, in a nutshell, is it! There's obviously more depth you can add in various ways, but that's your basic protocol construction. The value of a protocol is how well it can answer its research questions - I imagine this is where you're going wrong atm, and currently you're being too broad. So, start with the questions, decide on the needed data, work out the steps needed to get that data, assess logistics.

So the Galapagos Islands off the coast of Ecuador are home to some of the largest tortoises in the world. Huge. Beautiful. Iconic.

What I didn't realize is that, just like Darwin's finches all adapted unique beaks for conditions on the different Galapagos Islands, different islands have their own unique variety of giant tortoise!

But bad news for tortoises, in the 1700s-1800s whalers and other sailing ships would stop in and grab as many tortoises as they could carry as portable snacks bc the tortoises can live a few months without eating, so they make good fresh meat in a long voyage??? And it turns out if you keep doing this, even if you start out with 20k tortoises on an island, eventually you run out.

So on Pinta Island, for example, everyone thought their tortoises were extinct bc no one saw any after the early 20th century, but surprise! Out of nowhere in 1971, a big beautiful boy appears!

Enter Lonesome George. Look at that neck!!!! He's the only Pinta Island Tortoise in the world and scientists and conservation experts are scrambling to figure out what to do! We thought they were extinct but now there's just One More???

So everyone's studying him and trying to get him a girlfriend and hoping somehow we can have a miracle and try to bring back this tortoise from the razor's edge of extinction.

Unfortunately, George never had offspring. He passed away in 2012, and the Pinta Island Tortoise was once again declared extinct. He was already full grown when he was discovered, so he could have been anywhere from 80-120 years old.

So this is the low point in the story. No tortoises, no chance. Until!!!!!!! 2015! Down on Isabela Island, near Wolf Volcano. What sort of tortoises are these? They have these crazy hump shells, not like the native Isabela Tortoises should have....

Turns out!!!!! There's a bunch of hybrid tortoises down here, but they have a ton of features and genetics from our bestie the extinct Pinta Island Tortoise!! We know from historical records that sometimes sailors would pick up tortoises on one island and drop them off on another.

So then it's like,, can we breed these descendant tortoises to get more Pinta features and reintroduce them to the right island ??

On Wolf Island, more out-of-place hybrid tortoises have been spotted! (This is... early 2000s?) These ones look distinctly like the Very Incredibly Extinct tortoises from Floreana Island

We're talking, like, some of the most recent sightings of these Floreana Tortoises in the wild being recorded by Charles Darwin in the 1830s. We're talking more than 180 years of extinction. And there's little tortoises with the same shell shapes and features wandering around way over on Wolf Island!!!

Again. Sometimes old-timey sailors would drop off tortoises in weird places. But like!!!! These hybrid tortoises are descended from the Floreana lineage!! No one has seen these suckers in two centuries and their little descendants are still alive and kicking!

Now, Floreana Island,,, got put through the wringer. Ecologically, it was just a mess. We're talking a bajillion invasive species, species going extinct left and right. It was one of the most frequented islands by whalers back in the day, and it's taken decades of hard work to even begin to undo the damage. There's a reason the Floreana Tortoises went extinct, that's all I'm saying.

But so now we have these Floreana lineage tortoises (not pure Floreana Tortoises blood, that's gone now, but very close!) and we've got a Floreana Island that's been cleaned up and a whole team of ecologists who are very, very excited.

It's going to take a lot of planning to reintroduce these tortoises, though. We've got 15 of these Floreana lineage tortoises who still have a mix of traits, we want to end up with thousands of tortoises, and we can't just stick tortoises back on Floreana yet bc the invasive rats, feral cats, dogs, etc all love eating baby tortoises and tortoise eggs

So thus begins a decades-long project to raise sturdy tortoises with as many Floreana traits as possible and get them big enough to safely release onto an island that's still trying to get its rat problem under control.

All of this culminating in the release of 158 tortoises (aged 12-14, so they're all big enough to stay safe) on February 20th, 2025

After nearly 200 years without any tortoises on the island, Floreana had its tortoises back!

The young tortoises, each weighing between 30-50 pounds, had to be carried to the release site on foot by park rangers and volunteers. (link to video)

So much work went into preparing for this day, and this isn't the finish line! The Galapagos Conservation Trust plans to release hundreds more tortoises in the coming years, and to continue efforts to rebuild the ecosystem! Other native animals are making a comeback, like the Galapagos Rail, a bird who hasn't been seen in 190 years! We thought it was extinct!!! But as the island recovered they've reappeared!

There's so much thought that's gone into releasing these tortoises. They released them in February to take full advantage of the rainy season. The long term plan to handle the rats is timed to wrap up in the next 12 years before the new Floreana Tortoises are old enough to lay eggs. This is such a huge win for conservation in general and Galapagos conservation in particular!!!! This is groundbreaking, and it happened 12 days ago.

So for today, there's no Pinta Island Tortoises on Pinta Island. They're still extinct, and Lonesome George was the last pure-blooded Pinta Island Tortoise.

But two weeks ago there weren't any Floreana lineage tortoises on Floreana Island either. Things will never be exactly the same as before, but the ecosystem and the birds and the grasslands are going to love those tortoises. Recovery takes time, and nature is incredible at bouncing back, especially when people are willing to help move things along.

I really do believe that one day, Pinta Island will have charming, long-necked and bowed-backed giant tortoises again. I feel so grateful to live in a world of amazing creatures, and amazing people who dedicate decades to helping them.

My parents threw away all of these things (even the vacuum cleaners and the dryer) when they got too dirty to function, because no one even told them THAT they could be cleaned. Cost them thousands of dollars over the years.

All I'm saying is that cleaning is not intuitive, and not knowing how to clean is not a moral failing, but it is something you can learn.

I like this video because it does a great job of introducing the basic foundations of house cleaning (and because he doesn't use bleach, which is a common allergy in addition to being awful to inhale). He also talks a little about how to clean a vacuum. And why you shouldn't put grease from your pots and pans down the sink drain. I also love that he mentions that different houses and different people have different needs and different versions of what clean and cleaning looks like.

This is another video from the same guy about cleaning and depression. This advice, especially at the beginning, can feel really really difficult and oppressive to hear. However, I find that it's generally pretty solid. But I'm autistic and so is he, so that gets a massive Your Mileage May Vary stamp on it.

I have a favorite part of this video. It's from 10:52 to 12:36. I think we could all use to hear that. There's a HEFTY pause after that one. I promise the narration does come back.

This is a pair of videos about how to correctly load and use a dish washer.

The first one is a quick 1 minute 30 second overview on loading. I can't find the exact video I'm looking for, so consider this a substitute for that. If I can find the one I'm looking for, I'll swap it in.

Here's a blog post about scrubbing brushes and how to clean them.

And a video for all cleaning tools, including scrub brushes. This video does use bleach. I'll try to find some alternatives to that.

How to clean a top loader (without the removable agitator thing). This should be done every 1-3 months depending on you unit, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.

How to clean a top loader (with the removable agitator thing). This should be done every month, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.

This video is for pet owners.

These carpet brushes are a LIFE SAVER if you have dogs. This thing allows me to go from vacuuming about 4 square feet before my vacuum is full to vacuuming half the living room (I don't vacuum often enough. You should vacuum weekly, and I just can't.). I have to unclog the vacuum less often. It fluffs up some of the flat spots in the carpet. And I also use the brush to shampoo my rugs in the spring.

A spot cleaner (or a carpet cleaner with a spot cleaner attachment) is another life saver, ESPECIALLY if you can afford to splurge on a heated one. I see them at Goodwill or at yard sales occasionally, and they're worth picking up. The shark one in the video is great too.

It's America's Housekeeping Book (1941). Available for free download on the Internet Archive. (Large PDF file at the link here).

The LISTS y'all. The step by step lists. The emphasis on efficiency and arranging spaces for the least resistance possible. The basic concept of "take a tray or basket into a room when you are tidying up so you can put things that belong elsewhere on it and take them out LATER in ONE GO".

this is fred, the dot.

fred wants to grow into a beautiful tree, but sadly has no branches

reblog to give fred a branch

75 reblogs, fred continues to grow

Then, of course, you’re too busy to eat fruit before it rots and the bowl sits empty- barring a lemon or lime here or there-  and that’s no good either because it takes up over half of the counter to the right of your sink and backs up against the blank wall at the end of your galley kitchen where you can’t hang anything because both the fridge door and the pantry door swing into it.

So when your mother gives you another worry stone for your birthday – rose quartz this time, which means she thinks if you’re not worried about being single in your 30s, you should be – you hold it while staring out the kitchen window, drinking coffee over the sink, and when you finish the last sip full of grounds you toss the mug in the sink and the rose quartz in the bowl. It clinks loudly and then settles between those two lemons that you need to find a use for before the weekend, lest they go hard and unusable except for cleaning your sink.

After that, belated birthday wishes show up in the mail, and you can’t bring yourself to throw them out. Your Aunt Sylvia sends a postcard from Peru that she’s been holding onto for “a special occasion” for the last five years and, -aren’t you lucky?- you’re the special winner of a National Geographic photo of Machu Picchu. And you’re not a monster. The card may not hold the same significance to you as it did to her, but the thought does and so tucked between the bowl and the wall it goes where the very tippy top of the ruins rise over the brown rim, as if from the depths of a valley.

Then your college roommate (the archaeology one who made you want to do the study abroad program in the first place), Audra, sends you a shard of Roman pottery and a note in Latin that you can’t read but understand perfectly by the coffee stains littering the edge of it. The sight of the coffee stains warms your heart more than the pottery shard, so both go in the bowl where you can occasionally glance at them as you drink your own coffee over the sink and reminisce over study dates and the few regular dates you shared before her passion stole her abroad.

(And if the clay and the rose quartz lie next to each other and you suddenly think of marriage and nostalgia and her stoneware eyes that led you to save the same-colored fruit bowl from the depths of your house in the first place, it’s a natural series of associations and doesn’t prove your mother right at all.)

The driftwood isn’t from anyone. Your agent calls to tell you that you won an award for one of your books. The driftwood is in your hand, scavenged along the Potomac from amidst the pebbles deposited by the last storm, and it’s suddenly your only tether to reality as she explains what this means. It means reviews and author readings and an interview - of you! – and a guaranteed sequel. The stick is smooth under your fingertips and you wave it in the air is if it’s a wand in an attempt to burst your bubble.

Only you’re home the next moment and you’ve still got the driftwood in your hand and your bubble is unburst. It feels significant that you brought it back with you so you put it across the top of your fruit bowl as if it’s the award itself. You have a decaf coffee to celebrate that evening and see that stick guarding your rose quartz and your pepper grinder and your pottery shard and you think, I’m doing okay. And the joy you feel from that is so powerful that your next thought is, I’m happy.

Which is, of course, when the power goes out.

Outages happen all the time in a block as old as yours. Before, you’d see it as free time and go lay down in bed and wait for the world to relight or for morning to come. But you don’t have time now. Your agent is planning to call you soon. You are an award-winning author and you have things to do before your 42% battery runs out.

You make your kitchen your base and set the six pillar candles on your counter, lighting them one by one. They’re the rainbow ones from last June your mother bought you in a sweet yet confusing show of support and you’ve never found a special enough occasion to burn them. You smile at Machu Picchu peaking over your fruit bowl. Your aunt is the one who taught you about special things.

Then your agent calls and, while you’re hammering out the details, you see that the candles are about to drip colored wax onto your white, plastic countertops and even though you really want to replace them, you can’t afford to (at least until you sign a contract). You snatch up your driftwood and use it to scoop the wax from the sides until a kaleidoscope of color is collected and you have to keep spinning it to keep it from dripping.

You blow on the hot wax, thinking of Audra and your family and the future your agent is painting for you until it cools. Then you place the driftwood over the bowl where it belongs.

 It’s just a bowl. Of course, it’s just a bowl. It does a good job of taking up a huge amount of your counter and of holding onto things you’d forget in a junk drawer. It looks good in the candlelight, warm and earthy and welcoming with the three bright lemons scattering amongst your treasures. It’s nice to see reminders of your loved ones every morning from the summit of Machu Picchu to your worry stone to that shard of pottery, but it’s not anything more.

At least it’s not until you put your driftwood, wax-covered wand back and think, I wish I could see her.

The flames of the candles sputter and turn gold, radiating a pure and steady light that could never come from a mundane fire. Your agent stops herself midsentence, apologizes, promises to call you back when she has a better connection, and hangs up. The bowl rattles and shivers and you take a step back as your copper pepper grinder tips over. You must not have put it together correctly because it spills when it does, little peppercorns that roll across your counter towards the edge.

You expect to hear the dried pepper hit the ground, but it doesn’t.  Each peppercorn stops unnaturally.

G…

R…

A…

N…

T…

E…

D…

What?

The candles splutter and return to normal flame. Your bowl is still. The lemons seem less appetizing than they had a moment ago, but your treasures are still there and lovely.

You pick up your Roman shard.

Your phone rings. Audra. Although you can’t imagine talking to anyone after what you’ve just witness, your body isn’t on the same page. Muscle memory and association has you answering before the second ring.

“Mal, I got the job!”

“…The job?”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you. Not because I was hiding it! But nobody ever gets it and I didn’t want you to get your hopes up and then my hopes up—”

Her rapid-fire word is grounding. You laugh. “Because my hopes are your hopes.”

“Obviously,” she says. She takes a deep breath. “I got the Smithsonian. The curator role. The job.”

She’s coming home. The realization hits like electricity, raising all the hair on your arms and almost making you drop the shard. You blink quickly to stop the automatic tears.

“Mal?”

“I’m here,” you say. You go to put the pottery shard back with more care than you ever have, as if it’s Audra herself. She can probably hear the way your voice trembles, but you can’t compose yourself. “Oh, I’m so happy. When?”

“In a month. I have to hand over some current projects, which should only take a week, but finding someone to take over my classes might take a little longer, but not too long! I promise. After that it’s packing—”

You put the pottery shard back in the bowl as gently as you ever have. Audra’s voice is the sweetest music as she says goodbye, in a hurry to start packing. You hear that music long after she hangs up. Your knees are weak. She’s coming home. She’s coming home. Thank whatever god, she’s coming home—

Your fingers touch something coarse and feather-light. Your brow furrows as you pull a scrap of ancient paper from the fruit bowl.

You’re welcome.

“Oh,” you breathe.

The lights flare as the power returns.

---

Thanks for reading! If you'd like to support what I do and/or would like to see new work from me, please consider checking out my Patreon (X)!

I was told that when I came out everyone would reject me. That I would find myself isolated from the world, and from other women especially, who would react to me with horror and revulsion.

In reality, within the first months of coming out, in no particular order:

My sister's reaction on my coming out was, "Right, so I have a sister instead of a brother. Cool. I'm taking you clothes shopping tomorrow."

A friend, when she learned I am a woman, immediately invited me to her women-only, girls-night-out birthday party the following week.

Another friend, when a friend of hers expressed doubts about my gender, immediately shut them down and reaffirmed I am a woman.

I went camping with a group of friends, and we had two tents, one for the boys and one for the girls; I was unsure as to which I should enter, to which a girl friend responded by grabbing me and physically dragging me inside the women's tent.

In the women's bathroom at a movie theatre a random woman, whom I'd never seen before and haven't seen since, stopped me as I was going into a stall, to warn me there was no toilet paper in there, because she'd just used the last of it.

All of these, and more, some from friends, some from complete strangers. All within a few months, as a trans woman who hadn't started medical transition yet, and was very visible as being a trans woman.

I've had some people reject me, true, but the vast majority, including almost all cis women, accepted me as a sister with open arms.

The thing you practise is the thing you get good at.

You may not intentionally be practicing “being grumpy” but if you don’t put effort into practicing “not being grumpy” then I’m afraid that’s what you’re doing. It’s hard! It’s really hard! Sometimes, for some things, it’s pretty much impossible and that sucks!

https://www.darkpattern.games/

For context, my brother and I live in a place where the LGBTQIA+ community is seen as weird and not generally embraced by those who fall under the umbrella. My brother is not homophobic himself, but his colleagues are certainly... passionate... individuals about their thoughts, and to be honest I was worried he may one day be influenced to say the same homophobic things.

I remember watching the finale of Gomens S2 and being violently shocked, positively. Said brother came into the room to see if I was alright, saw me and slowly sat down next to me. I rewatched S1 and S2 with him and he absolutely loves the show.

My brother realised after watching the show that being gay and/or being part of the community is not something that should be oppressed or made fun of. Now, every time one of his colleagues says something disgusting, he makes sure to educate them.

The show means a lot to me, and it now means a lot to him as well. Thank you from the whole of my being.