It me!

adult toy store employees when they go around to make sure all the products work: vibe check

what’s that shit in your blood? homo goblin?

everytime i move i crunch like popcorn

and everytime we kiss i swear i could fly

Yes. Can I identify the snail? Because I will find the snail, pick it up with tongs and gloves, put it in a box, get on a boat, and drop it into the Pacific Ocean. It may not die, but if it gets back to me from there, it sure as hell deserves its reward.

the text says the snail’s goal is to find you, not touch/kill you. can you just, like. put the snail in a nice terrarium and enjoy life with an immortal pet snail and $10 million?

Put the snail in a hamster ball

Snorn snenemies to snriends (snail sworn enemies to snail friends).

They have nine beverages between the two of them

What they have are five beverages and four waters. Water, by definition, cannot be a beverage.

The fuck do you mean water cant be a beverage?

This ur own fault for not adhering to the 3.4 oz rule

Now THESE are CATS.

mom said it’s my turn to conjure the old gods

im stressed out that ppl don’t know my intentions at all times. spoiler alert: top priority is, i love everyone. second priority is to have a sexy and fun time

no offense but im gonna… take a risk… make a change… take a chance… and break away tbh

Why can’t I stop watching this

I swear to god I’ve watched this like fifty times and I can’t stop laughing

He l p m e

I forgot I reblogged this to my main and I’m dYING