Jessica the Magical Cheese Witch

word on the street is that you’re worthy of love. yeah no everyone is talking about it

I mean, same

[stirring my coffee with a melon baller because I'm out of clean spoons] might be time to do laundry soon

I meant dishes fuck

the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, "you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?" and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

#i was in a car with a linguist i had never met before the car trip and like half an hour in he looked at me#after i finished describing a geology thing that was happening out the window and asked if i'd ever spent much time on tumblr#the fuckor of it all#and then we spent six more hours driving#it sure does leave linguistic markers! i'm not sure i'm good with it (tags via @thoughtsformtheuniverse)

it is one thing to be a linguist and another to be a linguist who knows enough of 2010s Tumblr to spot one of its enjoyers

oh my god this diagnosis whose definition has been steadily widening for decades has higher incidence and prevalence rates than it used to. we should all get measles about this

why are moose so terrifyingly large

Because they’re pretty much legit surviving Ice Age megafauna and almost everything was bigger back then

his moose leaves for a few weeks to Fuck

Shadow blend

@five-crows-sharing-a-laptop

I’m actually fucking dead. I just… I can’t stop watching this. That fucking triple take at the end gets me every time

I cannot get over the assassination happening while I was trying to get coverage for my testosterone. Imagine going into the pharmacy all excited to get your first ever testosterone prescription but find out it costs 800$ out of pocket for a three month supply and UHC won't cover it. So then you wait for your provider to get back to you about changing your prescription for an entire week and a half, and during that wait someone just. goes and fucking murders the CEO of your insurance company. Like they just kill him on the street. They had so much calculated hatred for this guy that they even engraved each bullet that hit him. Then, as if the heavens themselves opened up entirely to watch brian thompson descend into hell, your testosterone is ready two days later for pickup, and only costs 10 delicious dollars.