I'm Not As Dumb As I Am...

I feel like I'm being seduced like one of those fancy rainforest birds

is it working

Yes

@apocrypals

Hi, pope expert here. This isn’t funny — popes only do this when they’re in extreme distress

We're all in extreme distress, he's not special.

Monogamous people with dozens of exes and the most horrifying relationship history you've ever heard of in your entire life: "Well I just can't support polyamory, because those relationships never work out"

Birds are basically the dinosaurs that managed to “nooo you wouldn’t hurt a cute little baby guy on his birthday” their way out of a mass extinction

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.