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he was still waiting at the bar when the time came for me to leave, so i went up to him and tapped his shoulder. he turned around, looked at me with eyes i don't want to describe because i don't want you picturing them wrong, and he stepped aside to make room for me at the counter, probably thinking i wanted to order.

"i'm waiting for my drink," he said. "you look really cool, i like your outfit," i answered.

there shone on me the warmest smile i've ever seen, from which came a voice as soft as a hug: "aw, thanks man, i appreciate it!"

and then i autistically left. no follow-up, no goodbye, no nothing. i just: walked. away from him, and immediately out of the pub. and i drove out of the city, as dictated by the schedule of the holiday.

it's only been a few hours, and i already can't picture his face as clearly anymore.

"love me like you mean it, not like you need it"

and the other one:

"fuck me like you mean it, love me like you need it"

despite my poor sense of direction, i decided it was time for me to trust my instincts instead of pulling over to the side of the road to check where i was going.

ended up in front of my best friend's apartment building.

1. we made eye contact once

2. i caught him looking at me once after that, and he quickly diverted his gaze with a panicked smile

3. he "accidentally" dropped his map of the zoo while pushing his [niece/daughter/baby sister]'s stroller when I was walking behind them, and he said "oh. thank you!" when I gave it back to him but he didn't sound genuinely surprised. it's like he knew he had dropped it

4. at the next enclosure, he stood next to my family instead of his (at a reasonable distance) so i no choice but to stand next to him

5. when I held my baby niece up close to the glass to show her the tortoises, he held his phone up "looking at something" very nonchalantly. he was not looking at the tortoises. which I find fundamentally weird. I suspect he was just flaunting his phone to incite me to ask for his contact. it sounds a little too delusional even for me, so I did not, in fact, ask for his contact.

"i can't go this way yet."

"there's something i need to do before i leave."

"hm... nope. can't leave yet."

"i shouldn't leave without washing my hands."

"i don't want to go this way right now."

"i think i'll go there later. i need to wash my hands first."

"check your discord messages. it's important."

opened discord with a worried heart, wondering about my best friend's medical condition and general well-being. the important message was a picture he drew of a sexy werewolf in a cunty outfit, along with the words: