Occupation: The Dryer Gremlin Who Eats Your Socks

Please

Please

Please stop trying to sneak-feed me meat alternatives.

I am willing to prepare and share a vegan meal with you, I’m willing to skip animal products in our group spaces.

Please.

I don’t care about “gmo” and I dont care about the fact that it’s “textured protein” I care about “corn” and “wheat” and I care that people without food allergies rarely know how inescapable some of those allergens are.

“Oh, I checked the ingredients, it doesn’t have corn”

Okay but does it have maltodextrin, modified food starch, xanthan gum, caramel coloring, dextrose, or glucose syrup?

If it does have any of those things do they specifically say “from potatoes,” “from tapioca,” “from cane sugar” or “from rice”?

If it didn’t did you check the manufacturer’s website? If that didn’t say did you call the manufacturer?

Sometimes I’ll use almond or coconut flour as a replacement for wheat flour when I’m cooking. I do not try to pretend that my alternate flour chocolate chip cookies are wheat flour chocolate chip cookies because most people don’t expect to run into coconut or almond when they pick up a chocolate chip cookie. I don’t try to hand them to people, wait for them to eat a cookie, and say “hah, bet you didn’t think gluten free cookies could taste good, huh?” because if I did that to someone with a severe allergy it could kill them, but also because people should have a say in what they’re eating.

I’ve got no problem with beyond beef or impossible burger describing their products as meat alternatives, I’ve got no problem with GMOs or the fact that quorn is made out of a heavily engineered protein. That’s all very neat, actually.

That’s medical speak for:

IT CAN KILL YOU.

Anaphylaxis can cause you to have difficulty breathing or stop breathing at all. It can cause a critical drop in blood pressure or send you into medical shock.

Yah

Found out that the dickhead (affectionate) has figured out that the food is in the utility room cupboard. He has figured out how to hook his claws into the door, pry it open, and get into the fucking cupboard at night, where he then shoves his head in the bag and eats as much as he wants.