Chemical Free™️

the simplicity of lactase supplements is so funny to me. it costs like $4 to circumvent evolutionary biology. want to eat dairy but your body doesn’t produce the enzyme necessary to digest lactose? the devs haven’t patched that yet but you can download a mod

u know what i fucking love. is that it's so clear that many of us have important full time jobs. yet you can see us here on tumblr throughout the work day posting about the most unhinged shit possible. like we're really out here going to a meeting then coming back to tumblr like "shane drippy big dick bouncing on that thang" before running back to another meeting like Hi Linda yes I talked to the team earlier and we're ready to send the documents over. How was your weekend

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

Are you doing okay? We missed you at the devil's sacrament. He mentioned you by name. Everyone was looking around and cheering until we realized you weren't there. If you need to talk I'm always here. At the aforementioned devil's sacrament.

level 271 penismancer demonstrating his arcane might

its gonna be so nuts when our generation of old people is shuffling around with big stupid meme tattoos imagine being a personal support specialist in 2080 and peepaw has a bee movie script sleeve and youre twenty years old and delivering pills like dude what is that and he goes Its from a movie about a jerry seinfeld bug lusting after a human woman who looks like flo from progressive who is still a prominent american cultural figure and you say OK and then you help him plug into his VR headset to play for2nite the sequel to fortnite and he mains former president hunter biden and then you go on lunch break and pay $75 for a ham and cheese sandwich

I kept forgetting my nighttime antidepressant so I set an alarm where the sound was a recording of me saying "HEY. TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILL" because I thought it would be funny. It was funny about three times, and then it started making me mad and I'd dismiss it right away to make it stop. So I handed my phone to my partner, who made another recording sweetly saying "Okay Shira, it's time to take your medication" and now I don't get mad anymore and I take my pill. The "compassion over punishment" camp has gotta get something wrong one of these days

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"