Chemical Free™️

All my haters become lactaters when they suckle at the teat of success

All my haters become fellators when presented with the cock of victory

All my followers become judgemental when confronting my posts of internet

Another one from our fairy anthology! I really like this comic it rocks it's soooo cool

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

I love handing out amulets to all the junior evil mages and watching them act all corrupted. Staggering around going "ooough I can feel it changing me... what is this dark power?" Idk it's from temu so probably heavy metal poisoning man

So many ads are just “we at corporation care about our customers which is why we [thing we are legally obligated to do]”

I think about this so much more after working at a call center and being told “you need to not say outage unless we actually have a confirmed outage because we legally have to reimburse people if we fail to provide service” and then seeing that in ads as a really cool and nice thing the company does instead of something they’re forced to

these kinks are getting weirder and weirder what the fuck is “clickbait”

Don’t put all your eggs in one victim

Put all your eggs in one victim. Do it. Stretch it out. Make it soooooo eggnant forever

Your parasitic dynasty will never succeed like that

Why do my dreams have recurring restaurants

Some part of me yearns to consume the abstract platonic ideal of boba and baked goods

i test superpowers on my youtube channel. i have every power but no divine calling or moral ambition so instead its just speople send in power ideas and i review them. they will say something like "wifi enabled breasts" and i will try it out and say 2/5 kinda tingle. they will say "power to duplicate and command mice. i try it and say 4/5 my mouses army pleasant softness make me feel content. they say "deep fry and consume your own arms". i say thats not really a power,. but ok. 3/5. and thats the episode that blow ups. now im famous for arms and all my new suggestions are eating different body parts. i could ignore them but the money is too good. i try the normal ideas like jump really high but nobody watches. and i cant just make new money with a power bc nobody suggested that plus i have a deep respect for the economy. cry in my youtube mansion full of mice and i always smell like oil

thing abt being some sort of dyke or lesbo is that you find yourself talking about girls with girls. clear conflict of interest, there.

so instead of saying "i would love to have sex with several of my close friends" in dms with a close friend, because that would make it a bit awkward, i instead say it here in front of like, everyone

*looks at polyamorous triad* so which of you is the soldier and which is the poet and which is the king