Chemical Free™️

got an email from a local aquatics store with a coupon for one free worm

girl you erected a mysterious black monolith that contained all the knowledge your culture had ever collected were you hoping he'd develop rudimentary tool use

"the hell is that thing? better pinch it. ...hm. pinch ain't workin'. don't like that. goin' back to bed"

I love living in 2026 because I go to Home Depot and buy a 5-gallon bucket for $4. I say I do not want an email receipt. They know my email anyway because I once ordered a mop online. They email me to ask how I like my 5-gallon bucket. I do not reply. They email me again. They would like my feedback. Reminder ‼️I have purchases to review. Did my 5 gallon bucket live up to my expectations? 3 minute survey!!

truly no video game moment will ever surpass the part in portal 2 where glados says "well, this is the part where he kills us" and wheatley says "hello, this is the part where i kill you" and you unlock the achievement titled "the part where he kills you" (description: this is that part) and the chapter title appears on the screen and reads: chapter nine: the part where he kills you

Another day volunteering in The Blood God's Domain. Everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the Skull Throne. Buddy, they won't even let me fuck it

this cheese was aged by sending it to the beach that makes you old