They are so freaking cute 😍

So excited 😍

Hello there 😍

omg my sister and I 😂

this is so sad 😭

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry

So I want Princess Diaries 3 to be about a 14 year old girl who lives with her single father and she finds out her mom is queen of some far away country and decides to try and parent trap them.

Are Anne Hathaway and Chris Pine her parents though. 

Of course they are.

Bonus if her great-grandma helps her parent trap them. 

Because she would.

IDK what Joe is up to these days other than still being cool. 

Well he is married to the dowager queen.  Who has loosened up a lot since she retired.

so into all of this!

She uses the phrase ‘shut up!’ a lot when talking about something cool or awesome. And does the finger guns at people now. 

Alright, let’s make this happen people. Does anyone have Anne Hathaway on speed dial?

I need this.

Ok I’m losing my shit right now because I just witnessed the sickest burn a 7 year old could ever deliver. I’m just sitting here at the park and there’s a group of little girls near me. They decided to play ‘Disney Princesses’ and this one girl who probably thinks she’s the ‘leader’ was assigning each one a character. Clearly she was choosing them based on looks, as a brunette she was Snow White, the 2 blonde ones got to be Cinderella and Elsa… So when she got to this little Asian girl she obviously chose Mulan. So the Asian girl is like “Why am I Mulan? She’s not a princess”. The leader says in a nasty tone “Yeah but you have small eyes like her”. The Asian girl went quiet for a few seconds but then proceeded with the straightest face ever: “Then I think you should be one of Cinderella’s sisters”. The leader tilts her head and goes “Why?”, so my little heroine goes “because you’re ugly like them”

mulan is definitely a princess and you can’t tell me otherwise

#how much the entire cast of mamma mia loves mamma mia is the best part of mamma mia

The fact that I am not singing ABBA on a Greek Island wearing a Boho Chic orange skirt, platform heels, and a floppy hat while the world falls in love with me is criminal.