Lollipops and candycanes

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

this reads like it was submitted to a local newspaper in the early 1900s

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

[ID: first image is a screenshot of Bilbo talking to the hobbits at his birthday party from "The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring." The second image is the text of the original post written in a Tolkien elvish script. End ID.]

32,287 votes

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

dude, this is really scary, and liminal as well. It's like the bathrooms

i said "laundry sauce" instead of detergent once and my parents have not stopped saying it since

If you can roll up a coin you deserve to snort coke imo

count dracula? uhhh ok. one

🧛 nathing vrong vith me

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me