this.is.me.

It is crazy I started to use my tumblr 6 years ago. 6 years ago I was just finishing up high school, getting ready for college and thinking my high school boyfriend and I were going to grow together and be together forever. Well here is a quick update:

The first 2 years of college were HELL. My high school boyfriend and I were growing in different directions. He went to Rutgers so I obviously knew he would be going to parties, but then he stopped texting, calling and then suddenly I found myself in the “What the fuck am I doing” situation. Long story short he begged for me back and I gave him one last chance, we had been together for 2 1/2 years why wouldn’t I? Well... That was a dumb thing to do. My heart got broken, he didn’t change. I learned you cannot change a person that does not want that change. Yeah it hurt, but I had just gotten into my dream school and things were finally looking up for me so it was a little bit easier to move forward.

2012 - I met some awesome new friends. It was great timing due to the fact that I had just broken up with my ex and I didn’t know where to go or what to do at this point. I got really close with these people that year, in particular one of them. (Spoiler alert: He’s my boyfriend now and we have been together for 3 1/2  years ;) )

2013-2014 - the time block that I had to learn to love myself again, the time I had to finally let myself be happy and let someone else love me again. My ex completely broke me. When people used to say these things I used to always wonder if they were just being dramatic or if that’s how they really feel. Well since I got to experience it first hand, I can tell you THATS HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. My boyfriend was so patient with me, he knew I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and he didn’t rush anything, he was just there. THATS WHAT I NEEDED. We became friends first and that was important. 

Fast forward to today and I couldn’t be any happier with school and my relationships. I’ve lost some friends along the way but I have gained pretty amazing ones. I got a dream job at a PR firm in New York and I graduate college in 35 days.

Even though there are great things happening for me, I have been a bit down and that’s why I got back into using tumblr. I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) about a month ago. Basically my body cannot produce estrogen and I have high levels of testosterone. My cycle has been non-existent all year and I have gained some weight but haven’t been able to lose it. All of these are sypmtoms of PCOS and after a significant amount of blood work and tests, I was diagnosed. 1 out of 5 women have PCOS and long term problems can be heart issues, diabetes and trouble or not being able to have children. This is all new to me and very scary since I am only 23 years old and haven’t really even started my life yet. It’s going to be a huge battle for me to fight every day for the rest of my life but I know getting back into blogging and writing will help me find the escape I need when I need to just get away.

I know most of you on here won’t read this, but if you did thank you. Growing up being bullied and not being able to talk to anyone about my issues makes this whole process right now very theraputic. And if you did read this, please reach out to me if you want to talk about anything and everything! I’m a girly girl but I also love my sports. Im quirky and can have political conversations or regular life conversations - whatever it is you always have a friend right here.

Until next blog post - Signing off for the night

me: I should have done this earlier