I Just Want You

So admittedly it's taken a very long time for me to kind of figure out how to do it and not feel like a total creep. And you have to be INCREDIBLY attentive to the person you're doing it with. And it's something that you generally want to do once you have a good rapport with the person you'd like to do it with. The best way to start though, is to think, "How would I want someone who is flirting with me to respectfully touch me and make passes at me?" And then start small. A small touch on their upper back to squeeze behind them. Or if it's loud placing a hand lightly there to lean in close so you can put your ear up to them to hear what they're saying. I slight arm graze when you're laughing at something they said. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be touch. Imagine they're sitting at the bar, facing their friends, the bar counter is to their left, and you're standing. I've put my beer slightly behind them where my seat would be while standing close to them, and my arm isn't around them, but my arm is in the vicinity of being around them. You're sitting next to them and your legs are touching, but maybe your hand is also kind of just resting on their thigh. You make it seem somewhat unintentional, and maintain plausible deniability, while also acting purposefully. The key is confidence, you cannot half ass it. If they seem to enjoy it you can be more purposeful. With being more purposeful, it NEVER hurts to ask, "Is this okay?" It's perfect, shows you respect them, shows you're being purposeful, and it's a really good way to get a consent check in. But if they say something like, "can you scoot over," or seem in anyway uncomfortable, you pull back. But it's important to be attentive and follow their body language, which is something that can only come through experience. And if you are not comfortable touching someone or doing any of this, then by all means don't do it. Your consent matters just as much as theirs. If one of you is uncomfortable, then no one is having fun.

Admittedly there is a huge big ole asterisks here, some people do not like to be touched at all. And sometimes, they do not want you specifically to touch them or do any of that. This is why you have to be attentive to their body language and how they react, and stop if they are uncomfortable, and/or trust that as an adult they will assert and set their boundaries. Sometimes you push too far or even push at all, and you make someone uncomfortable. It happens. And it's important that you listen to and respect these boundaries, and it's important that the other person is able to assert those boundaries. It is your job then to have a mature reaction, drop a, "my bad sorry won't happen again," and then MOVE ON.