Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon
“I want to be a half-ogre.”
“What? You can’t. They’ve seen your picture, and you’re a human.”
“The ogre half is at night.”
“Ok, now it’s time for the boss fight against Farquaad.”
“I have my dragon girlfriend eat Farquaad.”
“…you what?”
“I have my dragon girlfriend-”
“No, no, I heard you the first time. Look, I’m gonna roll a d20 and if it’s a 20 then the dragon will eat Farquaad.” -dice sounds-
*pinches the bridge of his nose* “Ok, so the boss is fucking dead now.”
“So i decided to fight robin and his merry men with my fists and kungfu” “Just like that? Well its your funeral.” Rolls dice for damage"the enemy mob is defeated instently because the pc focused most of their stats in strenght and agility"
“Are you kidding me?”
“I WANT TO CREATE A GIANT GINGERBREAD MAN”
“WHY”
“It’ll be amazing”
“How would that even work”
“I ROLL TO CREATE A GIANT GINGERBREAD MAN”
(A few rolls later)
“YOUR GINGERBREAD SON DIES DURING THE BATTLE”
“I WEEP FOR MY GINGERBREAD CHILD”
“what the fuck dude….”
