Wait. What? No.

He made me crazy some days but my god I miss us. I miss this. I miss a time when we were both so depressed at the notion of being apart for 24 hours that I’d tag along to any race he had and wait for him. And he’d figure out a way for me to be there but be OK.

Other than that I feel completely fine.

I sent my mom a letter and stepdad a Father’s Day card. Let my mom know I’m ready to talk when she is.

She asked to speak yesterday (Sunday) and she aired her grievances, mostly NOT directed AT me. But it was important I understand how very difficult the celebration of life was (and related: how great a sacrifice she made for me by being there. No one held a gun to her head!) for HER. She also flat out lied about her untimely exit. Just a lot of bullshit. But according to her we’re “good” now.

Stepdad’s beef was that I didn’t mention him or my mom in my speech about my dad at my dad’s memorial. My mom felt that was an unrealistic expectation but that yes it would have been nice if I acknowledged them. I just. What. So when stepdad dies should I mention my dad and stepmom? I was saying good bye to my dad. Sometimes things aren’t about her/them.

My takeaway is that while I won’t be making some big proclamation it’s obvious they aren’t safe people for me, emotionally speaking, and feel entitled to a lot of attention and public kudos for being supportive. I thought the reward for that was having a mutually supportive relationship where there’s give and take but apparently not.