Regal, doing a line of coke off of a stripper's ass while 'his' kingdom falls into ruin: "kill my brother and my zombie nephew, will you?"
the one eyed sociopath: "mmmmmmhmm"
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Regal, doing a line of coke off of a stripper's ass while 'his' kingdom falls into ruin: "kill my brother and my zombie nephew, will you?"
the one eyed sociopath: "mmmmmmhmm"

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Me and my color coded friendgroup are gonna beat your ass
“But EPIC isn’t accurate either!”
I’m sorry but I’m gonna judge a movie with a 250 million budget and Oscar winning director harsher than I judge a musical made by a (formerly) smaller artist that started posting his music on TikTok for the fun of it
The Odyssey if the suitors were competent…
Go Check out Neet- she’s awesome (her socials are at the bottom of the linked page if you want to see some of the training videos for this and other silliness)
watched The Odyssey (2026) and i have to admit, in an otherwise very serious scene, i was fucking cackling when the gates of Troy opened and Agamemnon was just fucking stood there aurafarming like Darth Vader

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I AM SO GLAD that people are talking about how the 2026 Odyssey movie is pushing Christian monotheistic standards on Ancient Greek polytheism that is objectively a completely different theological structure
(To preface I am not a Christian but I love learning about theology) no, “Zeus’s law” is not the same as something Christian god would decree. Zeus does not “love” humans the way that Christian god is described to love humans. “God”’s commandments are for the benefit of humans and so they love each other, Zeus’s “laws” are basically threats because we are not his children and he doesn’t even like his actual children.
you treat a Christian angel badly in disguise and they might smite you. you treat them well and they’ll reward you.
you treat a god in disguise well and they don’t kill you. you treat them badly and they kill you.
you don’t defy the gods, they are literally everywhere and everything. you don’t live under their rules because they have your best interests at heart, you live staying out of their way and making sacrifices and praying to them for your own safety because at the smallest slight, they will literally create plagues, wars, and whole seasons. Odysseus works with Athena but that is because he is the EXCEPTION not the RULE
in Christian scripture, being good and generous is rewarded. In classical mythology you literally don’t have any other choice but to make yourself useful because the gods didn’t care how many humans died in the titanomachy and they won’t care if they kill one more.
Zeus’s law isn’t a decree or a scripture, it’s a lesson you learn the hard way and you pass onto your children. But that’s also because Zeus’s law isn’t even REAL and Greek hospitality can’t be boiled down to one single aspect of their mythology and culture Mr Nolan I’m looking at you when I say this
EDIT: TL;DR is that anglicizing the concept of Xenia reduces it to essentially the most prominent western societal understanding of religion-based “deity in disguise” generosity, which comes from biblical values. My post is just defining the ways that those two instances of “gods in disguise” differ
(additionally) Christopher Nolan’s movie simplifies Xenia into being specifically godly, when it actually extends to a larger custom of political and generational alliances, which Emily Wilson’s translation discusses, but this movie doesn’t 🤗
I’ve got a lot of Thoughts(tm) about The Odyssey at the moment, but damnit Blum I’m an archer, not a film critic, so here’s something in my lane!
I have good things to say about Nolan’s Odyssey. Egg on my face.
I haven’t stopped thinking about Helen’s last line, asking Telemachus to pass along an apology to Penelope, another presumed widow of the Trojan War.
People have already pointed out how Odysseus dodging the guilt and responsibility of the sacking of Troy contrasts to Robert Oppenheimer feeling crushed by the legacy of the bomb. But with Helen, we are given a character whose guilt is not her own.
There’s those who run from it, those who can’t ignore it, and then there’s those who are forced to carry it.
The last line of the movie goes something like “history will forget our flaws.” History will also stain the legacies of the innocent.
Lupita Nyong’o is so good in the movie. And her scream as Clytemnestra when it dips into the Oresteia gave me the biggest chills. Incredible performance.
It's interesting that a lot of the complaints people have about Christopher Nolan's Odyssey movie, like the modern diversity and dialogue, are accepted features of Epic the Musical. The thing is, I can understand why they garner different reactions. Nolan promotes his movie as being as realistic as possible, but he actually has weird standards—the background music can't have an orchestra, because they didn't have those in ancient Greece, but for some reason there's going to be a rapping narrator or something. Meanwhile, Epic doesn't claim to be historically accurate, so the only excuse that Jay needs for giving Hermes an 80s Synthwave motif is "it fits him and it slaps."
Anyway, my concern now is that if the Epic animated movie actually happens, people who would have otherwise accepted an anachronistic Odyssey musical will recycle their complaints about a different movie that came out a few years before.
ngl i think the thing that makes me the most upset about the odyssey movie is that the theme of the story doesnt make sense for the odyssey. because the odyssey is about letting go of hubris, its about surrendering yourself to the gods and realizing that you are nothing more when compared to them. thats why the whole thing that starts the odyssey is odysseus almost escaping polyphemus only to at the last minute practically shout his entire ip address and straight up dox himself. he wanted the glory but he didnt need it and that's how polyphemus gets his names and calls it out to posiedon for him to then torment odysseus. and when it comes to circe's island they spend a year there (im pretty sure, but its been a while since ive read the odyssey), they spend a year because odysseus assumes he has all the time in the world, only to then see his dead mother in the underworld and realize that thats not true. only furthering his desire to get to penelope and that makes him staying on calypso's island so tragic.
but the movie doesnt take these themes and thats fine on a surface level, but instead that make it a movie about the tragedy of war and honestly... THATS A GOOD THEME!!! but then why have the cyclops? circe kinda makes sense as in the movie she showed some kind of trauma, but then why have scylla? charibdys? (i spelled that wrong). the underworld makes sense but then why have him stuck on calypso's island? its only to show that this is a movie about the odyssey, but in my opinion the odyssey was the wrong movie to show this about.
instead they should've went with the iliad which is basically about the tragedy of war to a T. hell it ends with a funeral. its about how the war has gone on so long and has taken so many lives and how they're continuing it because if they don't then they've truly lost. i mean why do you think on of the biggest plot points in the epic is achilles giving hector's body back to priam? why do you think its patroclus dying, and like I said before later ending in hector's funeral? that's about the tragedy of war. not the odyssey.
it's a perfectly fine theme and its done in a mediocre way imo but it would've been better in the iliad. not the odyssey

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Parts of the Odyssey I WISH Christopher Nolan kept...
Aeolus and his wind bag
Odysseus meeting his mother Anticlea in the underworld. It hurts his heart to see she died of grief waiting for him to return.
The horror after Odysseus' men butcher the sun god's cows. The meat starts mooing on the skewers, the cowhides slither along the ground, and the carcasses get up and start moving like live cattle. It would've made for some great horror.
Penelope testing her husband by saying she moved the wedding bed (one of its posts was carved from an olive tree and the whole palace was built around it so you would have to uproot it to move the bed). Odysseus gets irate hearing that it was moved and his reaction is how she knows it's not Zeus in disguise (recall that Zeus is not above shapeshifting into women's husbands)
Telemachus nearly stringing Ody's bow on his first try with no prior knowledge but Ody secretly signals for him to stop
Athena being a bro and asking Eos (goddess of dawn) to hold back the day so Ody could have as much time "reuniting" with Penelope as possible.
The bow being plucked in the odyssey was the sound of a period accurate lyre by the way. Exactly like how bards would emphasize beats and motifs and movements in their retelling of myths. If you even care.
Also. Insane to make a whole thing of how the Greeks violated “Zeus’s law” towards the Trojans with the horse trick, but never mention Paris by name. Y’know. The guy who kicked off the war by violating xenia first?
He kidnapped his wife’s host. He violated the sanctity of marriage. Menelaus and Helen welcomed Paris as they would any Greek guest, and in return this foreigner bedded (raped) and stole the warlord King of Sparta’s wife.
This isn’t to say what the Greeks did to the Trojans was justified — on the contrary, both sides of the war, in life and in death, in the Iliad and Odyssey and extended body of spin-off works, lament that there was so much death and destruction on behalf of one woman.
But the war very much wasn’t just about Helen — it was about her kidnapping, and what it represented.
How could the Greeks let such a violation of xenia, such a barbaric act that spurned their most valued customs, go unpunished? They couldn’t. That was why the Trojan War happened. And you can’t ignore that, especially not in a retelling of the Odyssey, which is all about xenia and hubris and what happens when men do things they should not.
How lovely it would be if Christopher Nolan’s take cared about or respected any of those themes.
Something happened at Dumai's Wells. I mean, obviously a lot of things happened at Dumai's Wells. But something happened that I think actually messed with the nature of reality a bit, or, idk, switched the track to what had previously been a low-probability future. After Dumai's Wells, we stop seeing new Weird Shit in the setting. The aggressive foreshadowing that Perrin is going to be a Warder is just...dropped. Taim stops being Demandred. (Which is fine. A man can be simultaneously one of the Foresaken and not until he's observed and the waveform collapses. That's physics.) Presumably this is when it stops being the case that either Perrin or Lan will die in the Last Battle and be resurrected by Nynaeve, and starts being the case that it's actually impossible to Heal death. And I cannot pin down just what exactly it was that happened. Nothing in the Karaethon cycle is illuminating here. No one used Balefire. There wasn't a bubble of evil. "The first nine Aes Sedai swore fealty to the Dragon Reborn, and the world was changed forever" is certainly a true statement, but not much of an explanation.
the more I'm seeing about the Odyssey movie (cant watch it myself yet, mobility impaired and broke), the more I'm truly beginning to think that this movie's biggest flaw was billing itself as The Odyssey. Apparently, the plot is a fascinating, horrific (in a good way), and deeply timely take on the original story. It's also very much NOT the original story, important plot points are missing or twisted beyond recognition, and the props and setting and casting* are anachronistic and random.
So, it changes the setting, casting, plot points and tone and everything else, to send clear and relevant messages. There was already another Odessey adaptation that did that- "O Brother, Where Art Thou". And guess what? It didn't try to claim it was The Odyssey, while making it clear that it was a TAKE on The Odyssey, and its now a classic. It is honest about being a reimagining rather than a page-to-screen depiction. Retellings, reimaginings and general New Takes on old stories aren't anything to be ashamed of, I think the DisneySlopification of the concept of a "reimagined old story" has given the concept an aura of hackiness, fake-woke, and shame that it doesn't deserve. Reimagingings are important and profoundly human. Reimaginings AND accuracy-focused adaptations BOTH are vital to keeping these ancient tales alive and engaging. It would just, imho, be helpful if people knew which to expect when walking into the theatre**
I really think that at least the non-blatantly-racist section of this movie's haters would be enjoying the fuck out of it if it had been more clearly billed as a reimaging/retelling rather than just "The Odyssey The Movie". Maybe that billing existed somewhere, but if so, I never saw it and it seems many others didn't either. If you walk into a coffee shop, order a coffee, and are given an apple cider, its understandable that you'd be upset even if it was the best cider you've ever had.
*too white, to be clear. wayyyyyy too white and too northwest-european. what the fuck is Tom Holland doing here, adapt the Canterbury Tales or something if you want that guy in your movie that bad. ...actually wait hold up, Tom Holland in Chaucer would be awesome????
**or buying a book. HEADLEY. yeah this is not a problem unique to Homer.

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one thing about The Odyssey's cast is Robert Pattinson. yes the film is full of celebrities who have outsized reputations to the point that it can be difficult to see them as their character rather than as their public persona. but Pattinson? honestly, generational talent is an understatement. the man disappears into each and every role he takes on so completely that you don't see his public persona at all. you don't see Robert Pattinson! you just see Antinous and it's just such a good performance of the slimy bastard, too. so good.
ok?? Gay