i still love you. (w.yxng)
.ββ±: idol!nicholas x idol!reader. reader is a member of le sserafim. they recently broke up, cutting things off with nicholas since she felt forgotten. because of the chaotic schedule he had, he barely had time to spare. which led her to feel neglected.
.ββ±: exes to ?, misunderstandings kinda (but it's js the cliche ass type cuzzz yes) shoutout to maki on this, bro carried the whole fic lmaoπ
.βοΈ έΛ: no warnings btw, js nicho being desperate n hot lol
βͺβͺβ€οΈβ¬: inspired by &team's cover of "love song" by rain on the weverse con festival and nicholas being a fkin yearner in the end of the performance arghhh
writing this really showed what kind of a woman i am lmaoπ
.βοΈ έΛ "please, i still love you."
"y/n you've been like this for weeks, the general rehearsal is in three days..." yunjin huffed in exhaustion, looming behind her in the reflection of the large practice mirror. the other three members splat down onto the cold floor in weariness, chest heaving up and down rapidly as the music faded into the speakers.
chaewon was on break, and won't be able to participate in the weverse con festival. which meant, y/n had to cover both her, and chaewon's parts. which was already tiring enough. with the countless formation adjustments and juggling additional lines for the sake of the missing member within them. because of all this stress, she couldn't possibly carry them all. and the performance is in a week. every second and day that flew by felt more and more depressing for y/n.
only the white noise of the air conditioning remained, they chose to keep themselves in silence rather than actually mention what's going on, rather than focusing on y/n's repeating mistakes within their rehearsals for the event.
because even if they don't mention anything, the five of them knew what actually was going on with her, and what's been draining her out aside from the continuous activities set for them in their schedules.
it was because of the man named nicholas wang. a guy she dated from the band &team..
privately, of course. and they were fortunate enough they managed to prolong their relationship for such a time without any suspensions.
the first time le sserafim received the news, it was scandalous for them to hear that she was being courted by him. because by such a thing, it can cost them their whole career. dating in this industry wasn't the same anymore. if they were in the second generation, this would've been an ant's bite to the netizens. but in this time and age, a simple glance would brink you to death himself.
ever since they met during that hybe family collaboration, something between them lit up.
but it was only evanescent.
it's been going on from the past month, y/n's constant complaint was how he's been acting like a ghost. her members were tired of it, sure. but they tried understanding her position as they didn't have experience dating yet, nor they have the guts to do so. they tried saying he's an idol too, and he even has a world tour ongoing. it'd be understandable, because she knew how it felt like to be an idol too.
leaving her messages on delivered for 16 hours, going live on weverse when she just tried to call him, and barely seeing him. all these changes messed her up, clearly.
she tried extending her patience with him. waiting, and hoping that the day she'll finally have him for herself will come.
but no. each day, all she faced were traces of his ghost. their conversation at that point were 53 compiled text messages from her, and none a single reply back. not even putting effort in seeing it too.
adding one more in the pile of messages, she typed
"i can't continue this. if being an idol overshadows what we have, so be it."
and until then, miseries kept happening with y/n.
which led to now, receiving all the unsaid blames her members wanted to pour on her. she knew what they were saying in their head, but chose not to speak, out of pity. but they love her, and were trained by the "a mistake of one, a mistake of all" policy their mentors carved into their minds to not feel bitter when one of them messes up.
and it brought shame to y/n, because she'd been screwing up over and over again. forgetting her lines, forgetting to sing over chaewon's parts, stumbling over to her position whenever formation changed, everything. which made them drag their routine until after hours, until it reached perfection.
but they weren't even 50% done through it. and it pressed against her chest further.
all because of a guy she's been with but never paid attention to.
with her face buried into her palms in humiliation, she sobbed while the other members looked at her with saddened and empathetic eyes.
"just take your time. don't push" kazuha reached her shoulder, giving it a soft caress to build some of her lost resolve back. along with the other members, they rose from laying down on the ground to cramp around y/n, giving her comfort and warmth. they know they can't possibly give any comment or even advice because, again, they didn't know what it felt like. but they took note of the hurt, and that's what they focused on instead.
"don't think about him right now, okay?" sakura added to kazuha's words, wrapping her arms from behind her shoulders to provide a soft embrace. they didn't want her to feel blamed and being pointed a finger at for messing up, because they knew the reason behind it was valid. she's under constant pressure from work, and the man she was supposed to seek affection from was just as static.
"y/n, you can't keep letting that man wreck you like this." chaewon's scolding voice sliced through the silence. she didn't want to be harsh on her, but it had to be done. obvious from her tone, it was forced to be firm. but she knew better than let her feelings control her for such an important event like right now. chaewon is well aware her absence would already be a hassle, and if she added into the trouble it'll lead to another wave of overly critique netizens calling them out, especially y/n.
"you're an idol. know your priorities."
the crying woman nodded in acknowledgement, absorbing the scolding she received from the leader and used the back of her hand to wipe her tears as she sniffled. her fans mattered to her as well, but she just haven't been used to not placing nicholas first. selflessly doing so even if he seemed to not reciprocate the affection she always gave out. the tears she had, it's been bottled up a lot from the past times. and releasing it felt heavier than it should.
but another worry rang in her mind.
if they'll be doing a general rehearsal of the show is in three days, they'll bump into them mid way because they're lined up on the same day.
the worry etched onto her face, and was quickly read by yunjin,
"don't worry about seeing them, if they tried reachin' you i'll jump their ass" she reassured in the most cheeky way. well it was half true though, she can practically just shoo them away with a polite smile. and pretend that one of their gyals didn't treat her friend like air for a month, definitely not.
the remark made y/n crack a smile a bit, and that made things a little better.
nicholas' blood ran cold after seeing y/n's number unavailable.
he felt guilty over the past weeks. but not because he's actively ignoring her, but because he was ordered to.
his manager, and even choreographers had been harder on them for a while now. it's like being chained onto duty, and duty only. imagine every seven to ten days, you'll wear the same costumes and perform on different platforms with the same songs and lineups.
he was already so worn out from the constant traveling with one place to another to hold their concerts and entertain the crowd in different areas of the world. and now they're scheduled for the festival mid tour. don't even mention the fact that his manager also restricted him from messaging or interacting with y/n in any way. calling her as some kind of "distraction". it's like everyone was going all out on him, just because he was the only one with the risky setting of being in a relationship.
to explain the "going live after being contacted", he was actually being told to go live to feed some starving fans who haven't heard or seen his face out of the stage. even using the company phone to go live, not his.
and now he was given the permission to finally use his phone without being watched from behind his shoulder, he was supposed to greet y/n with the most happiest expression on his face.
only to get faced by her number being unreachable.
his skin turned blue as he stared on his screen, the earlier joy in him blown out.
maki, who was behind him that's about to offer him food stopped mid way, noticing the changes in nico's face. with his phone in his hand, maki's eyes pointed down on the unreachable contact in his inbox, processing and guessed what could possibly be going on.
because to nicholas, only one person maki could bet on to make him look that pale, was none other than his girlfriend, y/n.
"bad day?" a dry humor was attempted, but only got responded by a sharp glare in return. indicating that what is happening is definitely not something to be joked on at the moment.
as an act of surrender, maki stepped back with hands raised as a white flag
"fine, you do you. girlfriend problems i get it-"
"you're friends with yunjin, right?" nicholas deadpanned, pocketing his phone and faced him properly. the question already gave the other man across from him the hint he absolutely wanted him to do something to help him out with this tight of a situation. and for maki? he isn't exactly sure if he's the correct one to ask help for in these kind of scenarios. it's either he'll help like a godmother or add more gasoline into a forest fire.
it took him a couple seconds of silence to double- triple check his ears if they processed nicholas' subtle implications
"you're involving me with your shit? hell no way- i'm not aboutta lose my job as an idol-" he argued, firmly defending his position, even dramatically pointing a finger at himself as he emphasized that he needed his assistance about his love life. technically playing as cupid trying to get a couple get back together, for free
"maki, just help me- i don't even know how else to contact her"
"you figure it out, that's your girl and you fix it with her than involve me in this-"
"come on, you can approach any member from her team, can you? just help me get to her-"
"okay and then the next day i'm on the news with a dating rumor"
the exchange went on for atleast five more minutes because a sound of a clearing throat interrupted them,
"and what's going on in here?" thank heavens for a mediator, the leader, ej, caught up on their noises at the back of the room. he was observing them for a couple minutes before eventually coming up to them and ask what the commotion is about to have maki exploding like this. behind him was fuma, who seemed to also notice this bickering between them and wanted to hear it.
"you ask him, he's setting me up for death or something-" he babbled, spitting out words that didn't even help to make the leaders understand what the actual problem is, pointing and waving his hands on him then to nicholas
"riki mauss. answer properly." fuma scolds,
with a nervous breath after being shook by the elder one, "nicholas. he's asking me for help because he got blocked by his girl.." it sounded utterly ridiculous if he says it like that, but it's the simplest way he can state the situation he's being dragged into.
ej placing two fingers by his nose bridge, sighed "you two get it together and make that thing work. and maki, try speaking a little formally towards your elders, sure?" before fleeing the scene, taking fuma with him to join the feast that's happening on the dining tables. ej expected something worse and ended up with a high school shit for him to council on. with the best shrug of his shoulders, he knew they're all grown up now and can surely make a way out of that situation. and that is the least of the other 99 more problems he had to navigate to.
"fine, i'll see what i can do. but no promises."
two days later after the incident, maki surprisingly kept his mouth shut. he didn't tease, didn't bully, really surprisingly.
respectable of him, he kept a matter private.
bare minimum, yes. but it's just out of character of him.
maybe he had to toughen up a bit for the busy days ahead, as they'll have to practice for their performances, and for a song cover as an extra flare.
a very, very convenient song choice at a very convenient time.
just by the lyrics of "please, i still love you, come back" was enough to describe his whole life right now.
just literal desperation and yearning.
during the whole choreography, and every line he sang in the song, one name remained in his mind.
it's like the song is his whole heart by how much emotion he was carrying. they of course noticed, but didn't comment for his mental stability.
and tomorrow came by quickly, general rehearsal of the soloists and groups altogether for the final preparation day to show thousands of the people anticipating for them.
"now what the fuck are we talking about right now." yunjin's straightforward quote and bluntness ruined the whole "serious" facade maki tried to do, asking for y/n and where she is. hands on her hips and with the literal disbelief she had on her face, she looked at the man in front of her. it's been exactly a week. and during the general rehearsal, yunjin wasn't exaggerating that she deflected every conversation about y/n with such smoothness. it was no joke how many times they detoured the whole backstage just to not run into any of their faces. because if they did, they had to endure another ten hours of tears and ice cream.
right now, they were standing in the middle of a hallway backstage, up in twenty-ish minutes, when she got dragged by him in here out of her will.
"tell your guy to reply to her messages and maybe it'll work faster than getting it through me"
"you don't get it, he's literally banned from looking at his messages for a month." he reasoned. frustrated, he runs a hand in his hair before facing back at her in a desperate attempt,
"listen woman, i too am forced to do this shit because he kept pestering me. and i want it done just as you do"
yunjin tilts her head down in thought of a consideration. but it's hard for her too, because how in the hell is she going to do it? he depended on her, when she's clueless on how, what, where, you name all the questions. it wasn't even questions, it's just pure question marks scattered around. there she noticed a misunderstanding going on, now she got the reason that he had his phone taken away or whatever, but she understood it. reminded her the good ol trainee days but that didn't matter right now.
"yunjin? what are you doing?"
her voice spreads through the empty hall, stood frozen before her sight was her, and maki.
before she called out, she can already pick up on what they could be discussing about at this urgent of a time.
but she was still sulky about what happened.
with a frown, y/n stomped towards her and grabbed her wrist, leading her away from the other member. taking shaky and unbalanced steps away, she gave one last concerned look to maki, and back on y/n as it gotten further and further away from him.
"okay so i got dragged enough from this fucking day-"
"don't speak." she clashed under her breath, her hold tightening just by seeing that image of nicholas in her mind that she forces to forget. she didn't want to get reminded of him right now, or see anyone from his group.
and left behind, was maki, running another nervous hand in his hair, leaving him with only thoughts and prayers for nicholas. as it was all upto him now.
back on the artists area, they sat down as they're up next soon. seen by the other two members waiting for them, eunchae and sakura, gave questioning gazes by the state of y/n and yunjin, who seemed like she just committed a crime.
"where were you two?" the youngest asked, but got only silence, awkward silence.
"okay then-" sakura ended the conversation with a hum, before her attention got captured by the flashing of lights, signalling the next ones to perform.
looking at y/n first, you'll know exactly who it is.
by the center? nicholas himself. dressed in such a precisely styled and designed suit with a blazer. gazing intensely at the camera focused onto him, which reflected on the big screen that made the arena erupt into screams.
even the three next to her got stunned in awe, but tapped themselves to reality after realizing the awkward situation with y/n here..
and she'd be fooling nobody by that subtle pursed lips she had, to suppress any reaction that tempted to come out.
flicking back onto the big screens that reflected the alluring performance and concept they possess, a yearning man longing for someone he lost. every sensual beat and rhythm that danced along the arena, especially their voices that played perfectly onto the desperate tone displayed of the song captured everyone's hearts.
and by nicholas' part by the end?
she almost fell for the trap all over again just by seeing the emotion of desperation he portrayed.
she knew he was a brilliant performer, but;
"what the fuck is this man's problem?!" she didn't even know if that question made sense, who was she fighting? her feelings??
her members catching all the stages of grief she's currently in, found it amusing. sharing a chuckle that had the same thought; "yeah, she fell for it"
her jaw dropped by how sincere, and how serious it was for nicholas to drop into his knees as part of the choreography. while others treated it as something ordinary or just a move in a sequence, nicholas was into it. using his center part all on his advantage.
peaking onto the last strings of lyrics,
"please, oh please, i love you."
paired with another deep gaze into the lens that made the cheers burst out further.
for the fans, they shout in their heart's delight.
but for him, he knew exactly who he was staring at.
"so this is how men apologize in the 21st century now?"
omg i hope y'all like reading this random delusional fic i cooked at 1am im js me okay-ππ
