Sin título

Tim: Okay, but in my defense, Steph bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink that shampoo

Steph: You’re an orphan.

Steph: Well what if it’s a girl?

Tim: LeBronette.

Steph: Maybe they’re nonbinary.

Tim: *shrieking, ready to attack someone*

Bruce: What’s wrong?

You know who’s killed off in DC? Bruce Wayne’s child figures.

Ma: Well do you know what this plant is?

Tim: Uh no.

Ma: They’re soybeans. Kon, tell him about soybeans.

Kon: Soybeans…are your friends.

Ma: *gives him a look*

Tim:

Jason: DONT SAY THAT! You’ll jinx us

Tim, walking over to the front door: Come on, it’s not like if I just open this door they’ll be some bio kid of his outside.

Jason: Don’t say I didn’t warn you

Tim, opening the door: See? Absolutely noth-OW FUCK!

——————————

Tim, later: And that’s how I met Damian!

—————————————————

Robin Tim, dangling a man off a roof (like father like son): Tell me the identity of the Red Hood

Goon: I aint saying nothing

Robin: Double negative, you’re saying something

Goon: thought i was done with grammar nazis when i stopped working with the riddler… fine! the Red Hood is named…Bruce Wayne!

Robin: WHAT?! *accidentally drops him off the roof*

Goon:*frantic screaming*

Jason: Tim I need you to be straight with me

Tim: Wow Jason I never thought you were homophobic

Jason:

Tim: *finger guns*

Bruce: Duke, can you call your siblings down for dinner?

Duke, using his powers: Don’t you mean…dimmer? *puts on sunglasses*

Bruce: How long have you been carrying those around?

Duke: …three months

Tim: When I first met Damian he tried to stab me!

Dick: That’s just his way of saying knife to meet you.

Tim: …

Dick: Hey my sword play isn’t that bad

Jason: English teacher

Student: mr todd im trying to write a book about the afterlife do you know-

Jason: listen kid the afterlife is boring, now it’s when you come back that everything starts to pick up

Student, internally: when?!

Dick: Physical therapist

Doctor: This patient broke all the bones in her hand.

Dick: Yeah that hurts a lot, but it gets easier the more it happens.

Doctor: ???

Tim: Astronomer

Astronomer: Wow you discovered a planet! What do you want to name it?

Jon: Damian and I are apartment hunting!

Kon: Oh I think there’s an empty apartment in my building, y’all could move in!

Damian: We dont want to live near you

Jon: He means that in a nice way

Tim: No he doesn’t

Babs: This is my girlfriend, Kara.

Tim: This is my boyfriend, Kon.

Damian: This is my boyfriend-

when he was 13, he broke into dick’s safe in titans tower that not even most of the titans knew about and stole a picture (the one of him on dick’s lap).