The Best of All

my goddess assigned big sister: what are you talking about lil sis? we gotta go into town quick if we wanna get some fresh bread! they always sell out way too fast.. gweeeh...

me: ok so is that a no cus i feel like being a sick ass monster or a demon would be a lot mors citting for my personality

my goddess assigned mother (going to die soon to give us a tragic backstory): dont be silly dear, here, two pieces of gold so you can both get a loaf of breax

my goddess assigned big sister: score!

me: ok so you guys just arent listening to me at all then

my goddess assigned big sister: cmon sis lets hurry!!

big sis: aw, cheer up sis! we can always get some tomorrow!

villager: RUN! THERE'S A GIANT MONSTER ATTACKING THE TOW- [CRASH. giant explosion of rubble that sends the guy flying]

big sis: LITTLE SIS! TAKE MY HAND! WE GOTTA RUN!!!

me: AW WHAT. DUDE. THAT SHOULD BE ME. I SHOULD BE THE GIANT MONSTER- ACCKDKM [she takes my hand and drags me along] WHY AM I SO SMALL AND WEAK LET GO OF ME

big sis: oh god.. the monster.. its heading.. ITS HEADING TOWARDS HOME! MOM!!!

me: ITS SO BADASS AND COOL LOOKING.. FUCK.. THIS SUCKS THIS SUCKS THIS SUCKS

big sis: WE GOTTA GO AFTER HER [running insidd to try and save mom]

I've been taken in, they tell me the royal alchemist aims to uncover the source of the alleged "natural crystal formation," but the princess surely knows it was a fake; she surely felt my futile attempts to pry the gem from her ring, this must be some ploy to keep me under watch until they gather enough evidence to send me to the gallows. it's strange, but they left me to "wait" in her bedroom rather than clapping irons on my wrists and throwing me in a dungeon; I imagine it is a trick, to lower my guard.

I know not why, but she is presently lurking on the other side of a divider, throwing pieces of her outfit over the top. the silhouettes of her magnificent ears are just barely visible through the paper- by god that is a massive dagger under her belt... she must be preparing to kill me herself! I have to get the fuck out of here!!!