(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)

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Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off. 

Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse? 

Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended

In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB–

The Auction by @lovesbitca8 - chapter 33

Tilting her neck from side to side, she watched the emeralds glitter. The diamonds seemed to sink into her skin, and she tried to imagine an occasion she might choose to wear jewelry liker this. And as his fingers slid through the silk sash, unknotting it and slowly parting the robe to reveal her bare skin, she wondered if the occasion could be Draco.

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See the uncut NSFW image HERE (for signed in AO3 members only).

For the longest time, I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I was 41 years old, had an awesome partner, 2 awesome kids, inspiring work, and a generally incredibly lucky life.  

Except - something inside me was broken.  

I was unable get past platonic love.  I could no longer stand the thought of physical intimacy, with anyone.  I would get actively angry about being related to in an even remotely sexual way.  

I hadn’t always been like this.  I couldn’t pinpoint when this had started, or when I realised it was even a Thing, but it had grown over the years.  My partner (an incredibly patient, gentle and loving person) never pushed me to talk about it - I couldn’t, I just had no words around these emotions - but I could feel his sadness when I’d shut any intimacy down.

For a long time, I thought maybe I had become asexual. That can happen.  Maybe that’s what had happened.  It didn’t feel completely right though.  I still wanted, I just: couldn’t bring myself to be that way with someone without all these negative emotions bubbling up.  And it wasn’t a physical thing - I wasn’t unhappy with my body, overly squishy though it is.  So where did these feelings come from?  These distant undercurrents of loathing and wrongness, this wild anger that would consume me at that thought of being thought of in that way, by anyone. Why did I feel like this?  

Then one simple thing happened which literally changed everything for me.

I watched Good Omens.

Also me: 81 tabs open on my phone, all of them fics, 600 update emails ignored

Photo via Audible

Audible has just released a strictly faithful, ten-hour audio adaptation of the first three volumes of Neil Gaiman’s classic The Sandman, with an all-star cast including James McAvoy as the Lord of Dreams.

“It sounds great, and it’s a faithful adaptation,” says our own Glen Weldon. “The bad news: It’s … a doggedly faithful adaptation. Rigorously, assiduously, exactingly faithful. No attempt has been made to widen the story’s appeal by sanding down some of its rougher, more dated edges.“

Check out his review – and a deep dive into the history of the comic – here.

ALL KISSING/MAKING OUT SCENES OF PHILKAS 

Let’s hope Youtube doesn’t strike this video down since it took me some hella times to cut all the scenes. 

Gabriel: Yeah, okay, okay.

God: You like that? And then some will make you see things.

Gabriel: ...’Kay?

God: And some, Gabriel, some just... kill you.