Troubled Elves 1
I thank @jlyarts for the initial idea and my mental illness for going through with it
Troubled Elves 2
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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YOU ARE THE REASON

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@zzzett
Troubled Elves 1
I thank @jlyarts for the initial idea and my mental illness for going through with it
Troubled Elves 2
Troubled Elves 3

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[ID: A tweet by TylerAlterman:
"In the middle of a "forcing party" where friends and I are forcing one another to do the things that we've been avoiding.
So far: [bullet list] A passport has been filed for; An inbox has been zero'd; A personal website has been created; & more.
I recommend this format!"]
call that attending an Executive Function
LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST
you people aren't CASTING

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When cats put their whole body into making a sound. Only to be squeak.
The Kids just aren't being taught how to write a cv or cover letter huh
I've seen ones today including photos, dates of birth, place of birth even!
And also several formatted like they were writing a message to a friend! Full of exclamation marks! This is a formal document!
this one is formatted like a powerpoint presentation. to be clear I'm not in charge of any descision making I'm just going through redacting identifying/potentially biasing info but like...some of these formatting decisions are also potentially biasing
Yeah, I remember getting some wild ones when I was hiring manager
So many women feel the need to mention their young children in their cover letters and CVs. Some young people slip in that they can't drive, a sort of pre-emptive "but it's okay I have a bus pass". So many people go and shove their mental health issues with anxiety and depression in there.
I remember one girl had clearly been told that she needed to explain any gaps in employment in the cover letter (terrible blanket advice), and so had described how she had developed depression after a traumatic miscarriage and spent a year in a terrible spiral getting worse and worse before getting on a new medication that, and I quote, "seemed to be finally starting to work." There are ways she could have written that information if she was desperately wanting to include it (I cannot stress enough that she should not have included a word of it), but the way it was written was almost literally a description of how she would be a horrendously unreliable employee who could dip out at a moment's notice and would never be seen again, while also demonstrating that she cannot determine appropriate professional communication.
(And for the record, the latter is the actual issue. I have no problems at all hiring employees with mental health issues, and did several times hire people in recovery to help them get back on their feet. Only once did that not work out; all others were amazing, and two became some of our best employees - one is now a manager there, in fact. But if an employee can't be trusted not to over share personal information with customers or colleagues, particularly triggering topics... That's a different issue. She did herself no favours at all there, and nor did whoever told her employers will always need employment gaps explaining in a cover letter).
Another guy once wrote in his cover letter "I want this job because after years of messing about I now have a little girl, so I need to sort my life out for her, and if I can't do it even for her then more fool me." Which, like, I admire the drive and passion. But again. Why are you telling an employer that you're a flight risk. Why are you telling us this.
One 18 year old volunteered, unforced, that he was gay. Just right in the cover letter. That he sent to a future employer.
And then, of course, the thousands that send in CVs and cover letters that are horrendously mis-spelled. Again, as an employer, I care dick-all if you're dyslexic or what have you; but I do care that you didn't think it was important to get someone to proofread a professional document for you before submission. That tells me quite a big thing about the level of professionalism I can expect from you in the role. It wasn't massively relevant for the job I was hiring for (escape room game master), but if we'd had slightly different job duties (e.g. writing official soc med posts), that would be the difference between getting an interview or not.
Honestly, half of my role as a hiring manager was just... having to explain to the other hiring manager that she was being biased based on information neither of us should have had in the first place. And she wasn't a bad person, but bias gets you even if you don't want it to. Give yourself the best chance. Don't fuck it by sending in a dumbass cover letter.
Linking @bitchesgetriches great advice on cover letter writing here...
Welcome back to another episode of The Bitches Teach You How to Get Your Ass Hired! Last time we reviewed some cardinal rules of resume writ
The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
yuh i was there, that's how it happened
Contemporary art haters will be like "i don't get it" and then not read the title or artist statement or the medium or the year or

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Happy Jeremy Bearimy Day!
Happy Jeremy Bearimy Month!!
Today is the every day you can never reblog this.
what's your favorite boxing technique
probably the one where I show up at his doorstep with a black eye and he opens the door in boxers and a white tank top and he leans against the doorframe looks me up and down and says you just can't stay outta trouble can you and I say I'm here ain't I and he says proves my point and I say fuck off and he chuckles and says get in here you're lettin all the air out and I follow him in and we sit on opposite ends of the same couch and he mutes the tv which I can't help but notice is playing a recording of one of my matches and he drapes an arm over the back of the couch and regards me with head tilted back kinda just showin me his jaw you know and he goes so what is this and I go gimme a break this ain't exactly easy for me and he says last time I see you you punch me in the gut and tell me to shove my ass up my ass which is impossible for the record and now you show up here lookin like you just went twelve rounds and I say maybe I did and he says how was it and I say you know how it was and he says I wanna hear you say it and I huff and say not the same and he says I think it looks good on you and I say would look better on you and he says I can give you more and we realize how close we are to each other and then he leans forward and I lean forward and we do kiss and then it's like all hell breaks loose and we're all over each other and minutes turn to hours turn to nights turn to months and before he knows it we're at the altar dressed to the nines and he's telling me I'm the best bad thing that ever happened to him and one of the bridesmaids wipes a tear from her eye and he cups a hand around the back of my neck and pulls me close and that's when I hit him with a right cross BAM works every fuckin time
ages 0-7: slowly gain sentience
ages 7-12: be an ‘old soul’
ages 12-16: allow the darkness to consume you
ages 16-19: be a kid for the first time ever
ages 19-30: develop dad lore
ages 30-35: court a beautiful lady
ages 35-40: get married, start a family
ages 40-55: promise to clean out the gutters and never do it again
ages 55-60: allow the darkness to consume you once more
ages 60-75: swinger cruises with your beautiful wife
ages 75-86: be an eccentric grandfather
age 86: mysteriously disappear
age 111: Bilbo Baggins themed birthday party
one moment ☝️ *pauses the blowjob to start violently coughing up blood*
I need my weird alone time or I will explode

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Group of ancient Greek perfume bottles
610 - 550 BCE
British Museum 1860,0404.38
Now I know something you don’t
Official ominous grave stone