Hello Nerds

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

The key to writing good fanfiction is to harbor a deeply humiliating desire, and the trick there is that even pretty basic and societally-accepted desires like “being held” and “being wanted” CAN and WILL be humiliating if they’re intense enough. Become so estranged from human connection that the idea of someone playing with your hair fills you with yearning so deep you feel like you’re going to throw up and you will write some banger fanfiction. It might have some other consequences too but idrk about that.

Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️

HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

what they don't tell you about hadestown is that orpheus and eurydice are not the main characters. neither are persephone and hades. or hermes. or the fates. the main character is whoever in the band is playing the trombone because holy fuck

After 13 years of this, it's still funny to me that detailing a full mental breakdown on tumblr is standard fare, but posting a nice selfie is a fraught decision.

this is the correct way around and every other social media site is wrong

[Image ID: Tumblr reply from wormOfWisdom reading: the wise man at the nudist beach covers not his dick but his face /End ID]

there is nothing more important than a dear friend you can be a huge fucking asshole hater with

A three-circle venn-diagram where the circles are "sex workers", "the furry community", and "people working in morgues". I don't know what the overlap parts are.

Fourth circle needed: IT workers

You say that with such confidence that I am compelled to trust your vision. Personally I have no idea where this is going.

i'd say the overlap between "sex workers" and "people who work in morgues" is probably "seeing naked strangers a lot"

"professional handling of bodies of strangers"?

Okay I’ve gone through many of the reblogs and “prefer when clients don’t talk to them” is peak

Can't tell you how frequently I encounter posts on here for people with entirely opposite issues to me

[Image ID: Tumblr tag reading: 'kill the shift manager in your brain' bro ive been trying to hire one for ten years now /End ID]

By "identified", I assume he licked the bones.

Of course he dug into the gas line