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when avril lavigne said And Hell Yeah Im The Mother Fucken Princess that was way real

The apple they fed to snow white wasnt poision at all it was just a red delicious

omg if i was an oracle i would be LYYYYYINGGGG

trust that garlic and i are well acquainted

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

Crazy thing about #healing #recovery Small Victories is when you'll have some shit going on that's like, saying this would involve admitting how you used to be doing. You know? Like hey guys good news I'm gonna change my bedsheets this year

That's the thing about Doing Really Bad you kinda keep it to yourself. And then you start doing a little better & when you try to tell people this the vibe is like "what do you mean you were living in the sewer this whole time are you good?" while you're standing there like Yeah that's not the important part never mind that. I'm literally out of the sewer

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord