you are your mother

ive been on a relationship that i asjed for a time out in these 3 months. but its been so hard. she's also traumatized and had stuff to deal with and whatever i understand but it's been logically impossible to deal with. i always feel like i'm a burden and an object of shame, and it's so tiring. especially because she's very centered on what she wants and frankly, i don't know how to build connections like these. i don't know what comes with a relationship when she has these strong beliefs of it. and there's the entire stigma that i have been changing all that about me but every single time i felt something negative about hers, it comes back to me and my unability to open up. there's this entire "i have given you everything and you refuse to let me keep this thing about myself" and also. she thinks i should prioritise her over everything else. which is impossible for me. it's so hard not to take is that i am impossible to love without being known for years and her trauma is bigger than mine so her needs are more reasonable and also, i should kill myself